The War At Home
by Fic Fairy
Summary: Everything changes for the SVU detectives when a rape accusation comes from particularly close to home. Whatever the outcome, for Munch, Fin, Olivia and Elliot, nothing is ever going to be the same again. Please R&R, even bad reviews make me smiley!
1. Mirandize this scum

**Authors Notes - Starting a new fic when I've already got two on the go (and that's just for this fandom!) is probably a bit crazy, but this came to me when I was out walking the dog and wouldn't let go, so, in for a penny, in for a pound. First chapter is really short, but purposefully so - call it the pre title sequence teaser if you will! As I've said over and over again - I love feedback! :D Thanks for reading!**

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**The War At Home**

**By Fic Fairy**

The brakes of Elliot Stabler's car screeched as he slammed them on, pulling up in front of his destination. He steeled himself momentarily, adrenalin coursing through his veins. Collars generally got his heart pumping, but this one, this one was something else entirely. Taking a deep breath he got out of the car, not bothering to lock it. There was no point. He wasn't planning on taking long, and the NYPD squad cars on either side of it would be deterrent enough. He moved towards the apartment building in front of him, where on the front steps John Munch was stood, obviously waiting for his arrival. As Elliot approached him, he put his arm across the door, barring his way,

"Elliot…"

Elliot understood the reasons why his SVU colleague was trying to slow him down; trying to stop him wading in all guns blazing. But although he understood, he wasn't taking heed. Not now, not today. He had to get inside.

"Move."

Munch made no attempt to do so, and Elliot didn't ask a second time, instead pushing the other man aside, with a violent shove and taking off into the building.

The lift was out of order, so he took the stairs, clattering up them furiously, his eye on the prize now. He could hear Munch's footsteps echoing after him but it didn't matter, he wouldn't catch him up now. With Elliot having both rage and adrenalin on his side, Munch didn't stand a chance.

When he reached his floor, he charged down the corridor, past the uniformed cop on the door and into the apartment, where _he_ was pacing the floor in a dressing gown under the supervision of two more uniforms. Time stood still for a second as he registered Elliot's arrival, along with that of Munch a few seconds later.

"Finally!" He smiled at the two of them, riling Elliot further still which he hadn't actually thought was possible, "Would you two like to straighten this out? Tell these morons that they've got the wrong man. That I'm on the job." He waved his badge in their direction, "They don't seem to be paying no attention to this."

Elliot looked at him, his bloody boiling purely at the sight of him. He wanted to deck him, knock him into next week, make him suffer, but he knew better than to do so, he didn't want to do anything that might give the bastard a helping hand in court. Instead, he walked towards him and precisely and deliberately spat in his face. He didn't even bother waiting to watch him wipe the spittle away, just turned to Munch,

"Mirandize this scum, I'm not wasting my energy."

Munch stepped forward awkwardly, shrugging at the other man, "Sorry buddy." He reached for his arm and slapped on one cuff, then repeated it with the other. "Odafin Tutuola, I'm arresting you for the rape of Olivia Benson. You do not have to say anything…"

Elliot didn't hear the rest of the rights, he was already walking away.

His partner needed him.

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	2. Fin did this to me

**Authors Notes - Thanks to all who have responded to this. I know it's a huge leap, and my little writers brain is toying with various reasons as to how the crew have reached this point, but I promise all will be revealed if you stick with me. **

**On a separate note, writing the first section of this chapter offended me chronically. My E/O shipper sensibilities didn't appreciate in the slightest - but needed musted!**

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**One Hour Earlier**

"Happy Anniversary babe." Kathy kissed Elliot softly, running her hand down his chest, toying with his chest hair. Elliot smiled, kissing her back, "Happy Anniversary to you too darling."

Kathy grinned, "And what a way to celebrate eh?"

Elliot nodded in agreement, not about to argue that the two hours they'd just spent making love was anything other than an utterly spectacular way to commemorate their anniversary. Although, that said, there was something else he knew he ought to be doing. He glanced at his guiltily at his mobile phone, which had been tossed across the room after it had started ringing at a crucial point in the proceedings, wondering how he could retrieve it and check his messages without Kathy throwing a complete fit.

Kathy must have followed his gaze because she pulled away from him suddenly, groaning as she did so.

"For crying out loud Elliot. Its our wedding anniversary, the kids are at my mothers, please, just for one night could you stop being a cop and be my husband."

He got out of bed, figuring that the passion was well and truly killed already by her rant so he might as well be blatant about the phone retrieval. He reached for it and glanced at the screen.

3 missed calls.

He looked at Kathy, "3 missed calls. From Olivia. I should probably call her back, we've probably caught a case."

She rolled her eyes, clearly getting unhappier by the minute, but then he'd known from the get go that mentioning Olivia was a bad idea. He returned to the bed and sat beside her, putting his arm around her, hoping that it might help.

"I'm sorry Kathy. My works important."

Wrong thing to say.

"I'm important. Look, she's stopped ringing. If you were needed that badly she'd be knocking on the-" She was cut off mid sentence by a loud and persistent banging on the front door. She looked at Elliot and laughed slightly, "Famous last words eh?" She got up from the bed, threw on her robe. "You get dressed, I'll let madam in."

As she left the room Elliot got up also, grabbing his clothes from the day before, and hastily throwing them on. He'd got as far as buttoning his shirt when Kathy reappeared, confusion written all over her suddenly deathly pale face.

Elliot felt his heart sink, convinced by the look on her face that it hadn't been Olivia at all, but her mother, or other person, with bad news about one of their kids. He looked at her questioningly, trying to keep his rising panic under control, "Kathy, what the hell is it?"

"You should come out here." She said, her voice trembling as she spoke, "There's something you need to see."

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"Liv?"

She was stood in the doorway to their home, just where Kathy had left her. Just looking at her, he knew instantly what had happened. He'd seen too many women looking like she did over the years to be able to kid himself it was anything else but. He looked her up and down taking in every last inch of her, the laddered tights, the dirty ripped shirt that had been so white, crisp and pristine when he'd last seen her just a few hours previously in the squad room, bruises that could only be finger marks on her neck and tear tracks in the mascara underneath her bloodshot eyes.

When she didn't answer him, he moved closer to her, but slowly, cautiously, knowing from experience that being crowded might be the last thing she wanted, or needed. She didn't react so he tried again, gently, non threateningly, as he had done so many times, with so many vics over the years.

"Liv? Talk to me?"

Again, she gave no verbal response but she did move past him, into the house, going into the living room and sitting down on the sofa. She was staring numbly at the anniversary cards that sat on the mantelpiece and as he joined her she smiled apologetically,

"Its your anniversary. I'm sorry. I should go."

She seemed so calm, distant, almost on another planet and he wondered if she was disassociating or in shock. It was only as he sat beside her, and suddenly smelt the distinctive smell of marijuana smoke on her clothes and hair, that he realised that actually, his partner was stoned. He reached out and took her hand, "Its ok." He said softly - although clearly nothing about what was happening was ok, but he just didn't want her trying to leave, "You just need to tell me what happened Liv. Please?"

"I can't." she pulled her legs up so her knees were tucked under her chin, and wrapped her arms around them so she was virtually wrapped in a ball. "I can't tell you."

He looked from Olivia, to Kathy, who had appeared in the doorway and was watching the scenario unfold, her expression full of concern, and asked her to make some sweet tea, before turning his attention back to his partner who was staring down at his hand wrapped around hers like it was an alien object. Not wanting to make her uncomfortable he went to let go but as he did so she tightened her grip on it, squeezing his hand tightly.

He smiled weakly, "You like holding my hand huh?" He knew he was talking to her like she was a child and he also knew that under any other circumstances she would hate it, but with the state she was in he didn't see how the conversation could go any other way. "Well," he stroked her fingers slowly with his own, wanting to get her comfortable with physical contact so he could eventually do what he'd been longing to do since he'd first set eyes on her and realised what had happened - wrap his arms around her and hold her, "you can hold my hand for as long as you like, but please Liv, I need to know how this happened? I need to know who did this to you?"

She said nothing for a long time. Just sat there, watching his fingers tracing patterns on her hand, leaving the two of them in silence until Kathy had returned with the tea, she'd taken it, drank a little and then finally she answered his question.

"It was Finn, Elliot, Finn did this to me."

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	3. He said, She said

**Authors Note - *waves shyly* Hi all! You're being really nice and complimentary and patient with me, even though I've come up with a loopy plot line and got Olivia stoned (I have, I think msged most people who mentioned that in their reviews and promised an explanation. Its not in this bit but it will come!). This is the latest part. Curiously, in spite of this being categorised as a Fin / Liv fic its actually more of a Munch / Elliot story thus far, yet another example of my fics writing themselves! Anyhoos, enjoy and please review!**

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"Elliot wait." Munch managed to stop the other man in his tracks just as he was climbing back into his car, although from the mood he was in and the look on his face it was unlikely he'd be able to hold him for long, "Are we really doing this?"

Elliot looked at him like he'd sprouted a second head, "We're doing it. Get back in there, mirandize the bastard, put him in a car, take him back to the precinct and throw him in a holding cell."

Munch wasn't surprised he wasn't folding on that part. He'd worked with the man long enough to know that he wouldn't stand for anyone messing around with his pretty female partner. All the same though, there was procedure to take into account, protocol. "You've reported this to Cragen? IID?"

"Cragen's not answering his calls." Elliot replied, although the way he looked away as he said it left Munch in little doubt that there'd been no calls for him to answer in the first place, "And I'm stalling on IID."

"Cop accuses cop. It's an IID case."

Elliot's eyes darkened angrily, "Cop RAPES cop. She's the victim of a sex crime, Munch. We're trained to deal with girls in her shoes, IID don't know the meaning of gentle, caring and sensitive. I'm not having them running roughshod over her. Not tonight."

Munch groaned inwardly. Nothing like a bit of emotional blackmail to make a man give in. All the same, he still wasn't entirely convinced,

"You really want me to put him in the cage? He's one of our own Elliot. We can make our own rules, just 'til IID come in. Just until we know what happened."

"God damn it Munch." Elliot struck out angrily, but at the side of the car, not at Munch himself, although John suspected that was more down to luck than anything else, "I know what happened. He raped her."

"So she says." Munch said, his tone cautious, concerned that Elliot might take another shot and actually hit him this time. "You said on the phone that she's stoned. She's not used to that stuff. You didn't think that maybe she's confused or paranoid or…"

He got no further before Elliot interrupted, "Yeah. Because confused ripped her tights and paranoid grabbed her by the throat. I don't know," his voice cracked and Munch could tell that for all the anger, all the bravado, all the hard man actions, he was close to breaking, "why she would do drugs. I know its not her scene but it doesn't matter. I've seen her. Been with her. Seen the stains on her skirt and the bruises on her thighs. She could be confused, but the physical evidence doesn't lie."

There was no point in arguing, Munch knew that, and so he nodded slowly, "I'll see you back at the Precinct."

"Yeah." Elliot climbed into the car, "And Munch. He goes in the cage. I'm gonna pick her up and bring her back with me, and there's no way I want him anywhere near her."

"Ok." Munch conceded, seeing the sense in protecting the two from each other if nothing else, "Ok."

He watched Elliot go and seconds later Fin appeared in the doorway of the apartment block, flanked on either side by the uniformed officers. He seemed subdued now and even with all his years of experience Munch didn't have the first idea whether that was an indicator of guilt or innocence. He'd arrested quiet guilty men and mad innocent ones, and just as many times as it had been the other way round. He didn't want to believe it of Fin, but then again, Olivia wasn't exactly prone to hysteria.

He was tempted to let Fin ride with the uniforms and keep as much distance between the two of them as possible. Then again, Fin was his partner, and was innocent until proven guilty - and until that point then he guessed he deserved his loyalty as much as Olivia deserved, and was receiving Elliot's.

He moved over to the three men. "I'll take him in." He murmured, taking Finn by the arm and leading him to his sedan, then opening the door for him to get in the passenger seat. His partner said nothing, not even once Munch himself had got into the drivers side and started the car. Eventually, although he knew he was giving the finger to protocol, he had to say something, anything to break the silence.

"You wanna tell me what happened?"

Fin snorted, "I don't have to say anything without a lawyer present. You told me that yourself."

"Fine. Say something, don't say something. Just thought you might like to talk to someone with an open mind because as far as Elliot's concerned you're going down buddy."

"I'm going down? And there was me thinking that was more the little Manhattan Princess's style."

It didn't take Einstein to work out what he meant, what was being implied and Munch couldn't help thinking that actually this was what he'd been fearing in his gut all along, "Olivia consented?"

Fin stared out of the window, "What's the point Munch? I grew up with guys who felt the system went against them. Guys who felt they had no voice. They so much as looked at a white woman the wrong way and that was them done." There was no missing the bitterness in his voice, "Black men rape white women, that is the law. So what chance do I stand? I may be blue, I may carry a badge, but at the end of the day I'm still black and she's still white. If she wants to play he said she said, I sure as hell aint gonna win…"

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There were things Elliot never expected to see., and Kathy, sat in a hospital cubicle, holding Olivia's hand was one of them. He moved over to her, pulled up a chair, sitting down beside her.

"How's she doing?"

Kathy shrugged, "She fell asleep a few minutes ago, after they did that thing." She looked up at him and she realised that she had tears in her eyes. Another slightly unexpected occurrence. The two women weren't, after all, bosom buddies.

"That thing?" He asked, "You mean the rape kit?"

Kathy winced, nodding her head slowly, the tears in serious danger of brimming over completely. That wasn't so surprising he supposed. Supporting a vic through a rape kit was an every day experience for him and Liv, Liv in particular was, ironically, incredibly skilled at doing so, being able to gauge almost effortlessly exactly what it was that the person in question needed. But for Kathy, it was a whole new world.

"She didn't cry." She murmured, sounding almost confused, "The doctor touched her so intimately but she didn't cry or anything. Just stared. And," she reached out, touched Olivia's mouth gently, "she bit her lip so badly it bled."

Elliot reached out, put his arm around her. As worried as he was about his partner, he was concerned for his wife too; worried that the taste she was getting for the life that he and Olivia led was just too much for her.

"How do you do it?" She asked him softly, "How do you deal with this every day?"

He glanced over at Olivia who was curled up on the bed, a plastic bowl beside her head that had been given to her when she'd complained of feeling nauseous when they arrived, and a green standard issue hospital blanket which was rumpled round her feet. She was sleeping, but it wasn't proper sleep, she didn't look restful, she looked like she was in pain. Which he guessed she was. The bruises on her neck were even more apparent and if he listened carefully he could hear her whimpering quietly in her sleep.

He'd seen so many women looking that way but never had it felt as painful as it did with her. In part that was because it was her, because it was his partner. But also, going back to Kathy's question…

"I deal with it because I have her. Because we do it together. Because I'm not alone."

Which in itself, prompted another question.

How the hell was he going to get through this one without her?

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	4. Contradictions

**Authors Notes - Another big thank you to all who have responded to this. Thanks in particular to Sussie who's really made me think about the best way to go. There was a half arsed way which I'd hoped I could make work, but actually, since getting Sussie's review, I've rethought the whole idea and am convinced I've now found the perfect solution. Unfortunately, said idea means things have to get a lot worse before they get better for all four of the gang so apologies for that! **

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Fin didn't say another word to Munch throughout the rest of the ride, instead closing off from him, retreating into his own world. Munch didn't mind though, almost appreciated having the time to think.

This was messy. Very messy. And it had the potential to get messier. When Elliot found out what Fin's line of defence was, he was going to hit the roof.

They arrived back at the precinct soon afterward. Luckily it was late and a slow week night, so the place was quiet. He led Fin to the custody area, and asked the duty officer to process him. The guy, whose name Munch couldn't remember - Smith? Jones? Something like that - was obviously thrown by the turn of events, looking understandably confused by what he was being told and glancing curiously at Fin who stood slightly behind Munch, seemingly resigned to what was happening.

"What do I do with him?" The duty officer asked, "Once I've processed him."

"Holding cell." Munch replied, and then seeing the man's continued surprise explained, "Stabler's bringing the vic in," he paused, not feeling right with the statement for so many reasons, "Stabler's bringing Olivia in. He thinks seeing Fin might push her over the edge. He doesn't want her upset."

"Yeah right. Cos Elliot's such an expert on what it takes to push his precious little partner over the edge." The words came not from the man in front of him, but Fin behind him.

Munch turned to face him, finding him shaking his head incredulously, "And that means what?"

Fin shrugged, "Just that if Elliot wants to protect Olivia from things that upset her, he ought to be looking a little bit closer to home."

Making a snap judgement Munch took Fin's arm, leading him away from the desk, before glancing back at the man stood behind it. "We'll be right back."

He lead his partner to the SVU crib room, again a finger to protocol but if he could get him to talk he was going to do whatever it took. He sat him down on a crib then went to the mini fridge in the corner of the room that held their desperation six pack, the beers they broke into whenever they were having a bad day. He took one out, flipped the lid, uncuffed Fin and pushed the bottle into his hands.

"Right you, start talking."

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Elliot knew he'd never forget the moment Olivia awoke. She didn't sleep long, waking within 20 minutes of his arriving back at the hospital. She awoke with a cry, an anguished scream, and it didn't take much to work out why. He knew about the nightmares, he'd heard enough vics talk about them. It was just a whole new ball game seeing it for himself from someone he cared about.

Seeing how startled Kathy looked he leant forward, laying a gentle hand on Olivia's flailing arms, and speaking softly, to reassure her. When she opened her eyes he could see the terror in them and although she stopped screaming when she saw him, she quickly reached for the bowl, and retched, leaning right over it and being violently sick.

"Kath, can you move back?" He asked his wife, needing the space to get to Olivia and help and comfort her. As she did so, he moved closer to his partner, getting to his feet so he could support the bowl as well as reaching out to hold her hair back. When she was done, he took the bowl away, and helped her to lay back down, all the while talking to her soothingly, trying to calm her down.

It didn't work. Not in the slightest. Instead, she looked down at herself, taking in the hospital gown and her wrists which, like her neck before them, were beginning to bruise where she'd been restrained. Her eyes filled with tears and he realised that the look in them was less distant, she was more lucid. Slowly, his partner was coming back to him. It could have been a good thing, except for the fact that as she was coming back to him, the nightmare was evidently coming back to her.

"He hurt me." She said, confirming his thoughts, "He took me in an alley and he hurt me."

Although he wanted to keep his rage at bay, didn't want to scare her with his anger because she was the most important person at that second, it was difficult though, hearing her words, and his body couldn't help tensing a little, the fury he felt as he imagined the scene affecting him badly.

"He's gonna pay Liv." He meant it. He'd never wanted to put a perp away so badly in his life. That said, his words didn't seem to sink in for Olivia, she was too caught up in the nightmare of what happened to her.

"We were kissing." She started to cry, tears causing down her cheeks, "We were kissing but then," she moved her hands to her neck, wincing as she touched the bruised skin, obviously struggling with the memory, "he held me, he wouldn't stop. He," she reached out and before he knew what was happening her arms were around his neck, her head buried in his chest, her tears dampening the fabric of his shirt, "he, he," her sobs were wracking her body, and as he glanced over at Kathy, who was stood awkwardly in the doorway, he realised she was crying too. He mouthed at her to wait outside, not wanting to subject her to the scene, and once she'd gone he wrapped his arms around Olivia, rocking her gently.

"What did he do Olivia?" He asked, sensing she needed to say it, in spite of the fact it would hurt not only her but him too.

She clung to him tightly, her nails digging into his shoulders, "He was inside me. He was so big. It hurt."

Any other time he might have laughed. Nothing smacked of TMI like hearing how much a colleague was packing in the trouser department. But this context, with his partner falling apart in his arms, it wasn't funny, not funny at all.

He stroked her hair, "Its over baby, I promise."

But it wasn't. They both knew that. The act might have been over, but the real pain was just getting started.

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Fin knocked the bottle back, then looked at Munch questioningly, "What is this? You read me my Miranda then go off the record? Stabler put you up to this?"

Munch shook his head, "Stabler would have a gun at my head if he knew you were in here and not in a cell. He's not happy, but then you gathered that. What did you mean, before?" He continued, staying on the subject of Elliot, "About Elliot pushing Olivia to the edge?"

"You think this is a coincidence?" Fin said slowly, obviously deciding he could trust Munch after all, "That the little lady is kicking off tonight of all nights?"

Munch sighed, he could see where this was going, "The anniversary."

Fin nodded, "The anniversary. The heart shaped balloon on his desk all afternoon. The bottle of champagne. The bouquet of roses."

It was a leap. A giant leap. And suddenly Munch wondered if he'd made a mistake, if Fin was seriously asking him to believe that Olivia's accusation was borne of nothing more than wanting to get in the way of the Stabler's night of romance. He sighed, "You've gotta be kidding. You think she's so desperate to sabotage the marriage to accuse you of rape so Elliot has to be with her."

To his relief Fin shook his head, laughing slightly - although Christ knows what he felt there was to laugh about, "I forgot how paranoid you can be. Livvy's a lot of things Munch and I'm pissed off to hell with her right now, but she's not like that. If she wanted to screw with their marital bliss, there would be ways, she wouldn't need to resort to that."

"But you still think this is about them?" He sat down on the crib beside his partner, "You think this about the thing she has for him?"

Again Fin shook his head, "Not directly. But," he sighed, "that 'thing' is the reason we were in the bar. That 'thing' is why she behaved like she did. That 'thing' is why I'm in this mess. I'm telling you Munch, Livvy's crush on Elliot has got a hell of a lot to answer for…"

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"Olivia?"

They were in his car. He'd sent Kathy home, thought it for the best. She'd seen more than enough that night without following them to the precinct, and since she hadn't argued with him he assumed she agreed.

Olivia was sat beside him in the passenger seat. She was calmer, her tears had dried up, but actually Elliot wasn't sure that was a good thing either, as she seemed to have withdrawn from him, returning to saying very little, and even when she did speak managing little more than a couple of words at a time.

"Olivia?" Receiving no response he tried again, and this time she turned to look at him, her expression vague, "Yeah?"

"At the hospital." He began slowly, hesitantly, knowing that what he was about to ask was insensitive, but at the same time, needing to ask the question that had been whirling around his head since she'd prompted it, "You said you were kissing, in the alley. Did you want that?" He saw the pain in her eyes as he said it, but he had to, on a personal level to allay the fears in his mind that he was making a mistake, that Munch had been right, that he wasn't seeing the full picture and behaving objectively. That he was being blinded by how much he cared for her. And plus, she needed to be prepared for the question; IID would be asking a lot worse, and with a fraction of his sensitivity.

She covered her eyes with her hand, and he could tell from the way her shoulders were shaking that his question had moved her to tears again.

"Liv." He took one hand off of the steering wheel, and reached out to rub her arm, "It doesn't matter if you did. I just need to know."

Her response came between soft sobs that ripped through Elliot, making him feel like a complete shit. "We went out dancing. I'd been drinking and," she looked up at him, her face full of shame, "Fin offered me a smoke." He could see she was embarrassed and wanted to let her know he wasn't judging her.

"Its ok." He said gently, still rubbing her arm, "I guessed you'd smoked. It doesn't matter."

"I took drugs Elliot." He couldn't help noticing that she seemed horrified by her own behaviour leading him to wonder what had possessed her to say yes in the first place.

He sighed, "You smoked a joint Liv. Its not like you I admit, but you did it. I'm not judging."

"But you're judging about the kiss?" The question was snapped at him, and that took him aback a little since up to that point she hadn't been defensive in the slightest and it seemed a bit sudden. Still, she was going through a lot, and with the drugs in her system, maybe it wasn't so surprising…

He shook his head, "Not judging in the slightest. I just want to know if you wanted the kiss, or if that was where the rape began."

She put her head back in her hands, was quiet for a moment and then answered.

"I don't know why I did it, but yeah, I wanted it. I wanted to kiss him. But I didn't want… I didn't want… I just wanted a kiss." Once again, she started to cry, her entire body trembling to such an extent that Elliot felt the need to pull over and undo his seat belt and take her in his arms, holding her as she shook. He planted soft kisses in her hair, "Its ok Liv. I understand. I'm not blaming you."

And he wasn't. He couldn't. She was his partner and he loved her, and as far as he was concerned kisses or not, no meant no. That said, it wasn't going to make things easy, especially not with IID. He knew those bastards, what they were like, what they thought.

A female cop making out with a colleague in an alleyway.

They were going to say she was asking for it.

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Munch had his own beer now. He needed it.

They were still sat on the crib. Fin had explained how the evening had began. Olivia had been sat at her desk, looking like her best friend had just died as opposed to having just gone home to make love to his wife, and he'd offered to buy her drink. To cheer her up.

They'd gone to an underground club that Fin knew. Listened to some hip hop, knocked back some drinks.

A lot of drinks in Olivia's case.

"She was off on one." Fin said, before taking a mouthful of beer, "Every time I turned around there was another drink on the go. I never thought I'd say it, but it was all very like mother like daughter. I guess she was just trying to block out what was going on at Chez Stabler."

"Why so bad tonight though?" Munch asked, his concern for Olivia growing. He'd worked with her for a long time, loved her like a niece and the picture Fin was painting wasn't that of the girl he thought he knew.

Finn shrugged, "Who knows man? Maybe she's just had enough of pining."

That rang true with Munch. He'd been watching Olivia vie for Elliot's attention for all the time he'd known her. She did it subtly but all the same, it wasn't hard to miss. There were times where he'd thought it would have been appropriate for her to have "Pick Me El!" tattooed on her forehead, such was the extent of her feelings for him.

"Oh and -" Fin added, "hormones too I guess. She was riding the crimson tide."

Munch grimaced. Definitely too much information about a colleague. In more ways that one. He looked at Fin questioningly, "You find that out when you did her?"

Fin said nothing, shaking his head, "That your way of trying to get a confession Munch? Cos it aint gonna work. I'll admit I fucked her. I'll hold my hands up to that. But you aint gonna get me to say that I raped her. She wanted it and she wanted it good."

Munch tipped his beer bottle up, getting the last dregs. Needing them after Fin's outburst. He was no closer to knowing what was actually going on, but he knew he didn't like his partner's tone, nor his choice of words.

"You think Olivia would like to hear you say that? Even if it was consensual. Even if she did want it. You think she'd want to hear you say that she'd been "fucked"."

There was a silence. A long silence. Then Fin sighed heavily, shaking his head,

"Munch man, the Olivia I met tonight would positively get off on it."

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	5. A New Theory

**Authors Note - Here's chapter 5 for you. I'll be interested to see what you have to say about it. This is the one, that I hope will justify the fact you've kept reading, although its not the end of the story, not by a long shot.**

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When they arrived at the precinct, there was no way Elliot could have missed the look of dread on Olivia's face. It spoke volumes and he instantly regretted taking her there.

"Would you rather go home?"

She shook her head, "No, we're here now. And I have to face it some time." She looked around nervously as they walked through the doors, as if she expected Fin to jump out at her he presumed. "Are IID here?"

"No." He said gently, "I held off calling them. I wanted to give you time."

"To get my story straight?"

He ignored her defensiveness, let it go a second time, "To get your head round it. I thought we could go through it. I thought it might make it easier."

"Yeah." She paused suddenly, stopping in her tracks, and putting her hand on her stomach, doubling over slightly. He was on her in a second, putting an arm around her to support her, "Are you in pain?" He asked, then could have hit himself for asking such an obvious question.

"Just a cramp." She murmured, but she held on to him all the same, as she rode her way through the pain. It killed him to see her hurting. He'd have done anything to take the pain away. When she'd recovered he still kept hold of her, guiding her towards the SVU crib, thinking that lying down, curled up in bed, would be the best place for her.

They were almost there, a short way from the door when she froze. He didn't know why at first and looked around for Fin, ready to punch Munch's lights out if transpired he'd left him roaming around. He didn't see Fin, but what he was heard was much worse.

"So then, she's all over me. Like a rash. Running her fingers through my hair, and groping me. And then, she tells me she's always wanted a man like me. A big man. A powerful man."

He felt Olivia swaying in his arms, looking like she would vomit at any moment, but neither of them made any move to walk away or to put a stop to what they were hearing. It was like an automobile accident they just couldn't look away from.

"Turns out Munch, Livvy likes like it rough. Real rough. And kinky. And I was like "no, no, Liv, come on. It's the drink talking. You don't want that", and yet she kept pushing and pushing and I'd had a drink and a smoke, and well, at the end of the day, I'm only human."

That was enough for Elliot, the final straw that caused him to snap out of his horrified reverie. Without thinking, he let go of Olivia and charged into the room, punching Fin in the face before he'd even had chance to register his presence.

"You're not a human." He spat, "You're an animal." He went to hit him a second time, but felt himself being restrained and when he looked round he found Munch holding him. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Munch gripped him more tightly, "I'm saving your ass. We don't even know that he raped her."

If he'd been angry before, Munch's words made him even more so, "Fucking look at her John." He swung the other man round so he could see Olivia who had crumpled to the floor, in tears, "Look at the marks on her neck now tell me she wanted it."

Munch said nothing, too stunned by the state Olivia was in to know what to say, Elliot presumed, and in the end it was Fin who broke the silence, as he got up from the crib, holding the side of his face, which was already starting to bruise, and looking at Olivia in horror,

"She said that, that was what MAC was for. That she'd cover it up. Sorry Livvy, I thought that was what you wanted. Guess I was wrong."

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Olivia just wanted the world to stop. Or at least to carry on without her in it.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Fin was her friend. He'd been her friend for a long time. He was her friend when they were in the club, talking and dancing. But in the alley, in the alley, he hadn't been her friend. He'd been rough. He'd done things she hadn't liked.

He'd raped her. He wouldn't stop. He did things that she'd never let any man do to her.

And now he was claiming she'd asked him to do them? That she'd wanted to be throttled. It was impossible. She hadn't been that drunk. She hadn't been that stoned. Sure, she knew there were people out there who got off on that kind of thing, but she wasn't one of them.

In her hell, she looked for her rock. The only person who she knew would believe her.

Elliot.

"I didn't." She felt the tears start to flow again, "Elliot, I didn't."

He came straight to her side as she knew he would, helping her to her feet, and embracing her, letting her cry on his shoulder. He did all those little things that he did so well, stroking her hair, rubbing her back and whispering softly to her. Yet it didn't make the problem go away. The problem was still standing across the room from them.

She lifted her head, forced herself to look at him, although it well hellish to do so. That said, when she did, he was just Fin, Fin looking tired and concerned and dishevelled. Not the monster in the alley. Just Fin.

"I didn't." She said again, to him this time, "I didn't say those things." At her side Elliot started to tell her that they knew, that they all knew and that it was going to be ok, but then Fin cut him dead.

"Elliot, stop telling her its ok. Its not." He moved towards them and Olivia instantly shirked back, clinging onto Elliot more tightly. He must have clocked that because he stopped and addressed her from where he was. "Livvy, you said it. You said that and a lot of other things besides."

She was really scared now. Terrified. And confused. She didn't want to believe him. Didn't want to think for one minute that she'd asked for something like that and then completely forgotten about it. But, he seemed so sure. So genuine. So much like Fin. She didn't even care that he was calling her Livvy even though if anyone had asked her before she'd have said that she never wanted to hear it again. Slowly, still holding onto Elliot, she moved into the room, sat down on the crib the furthest away from Fin and forced herself to ask the question she really didn't want to ask.

"What 'other things'?"

"Liv," that was Elliot, taking care of her like always, "you don't have to do this. You know what happened."

"I don't think she does." That was Munch's input, and in spite of what he was saying, his tone was kind, and not judgemental in any way. "You said she was stoned, that could account for her forgetting things, and acting out of character."

Munch's words made her feel physically sick. Just the thought that all that had happened could be down to her. Down to the joint she'd smoked. Not Fin's fault at all. That said, there was worse to come.

"She wasn't stoned."

There was a stunned silence and three sets of eyes landed on Fin. Elliot was the first to recover and speak,

"Crap. She was still off her face when she arrived at my house, and I know what stoned looks like."

"Well it wasn't from the joint." Fin replied, making quotation marks in the air with his fingers. "You think I'd be daft enough to give our prom princess a dooby?" He snorted, "It was just tobacco Livy. I switched it on you. So, if you think she was stoned, maybe we need to be taking a look at her tox screen."

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Fin could tell from the look on her face that Olivia was struggling to keep up. No longer mad at her now the pieces were falling into place, he was worried sick about her. She obviously didn't have the first clue what was going on.

But Munch did. And Elliot. Their faces were giving it away pretty hard too.

"You think she was slipped something?" Munch asked, confirming it for them all.

Fin nodded, "It would explain a lot. I've never seen her like that." And never wanted to again actually. Or indeed like she was at that moment, huddled up to Elliot, looking pale and frightened, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"I don't understand." She whispered, "What are you saying?"

Fin hesitated, not wanting to be the one to give her a blow by blow account of their theory, and luckily Munch came to his rescue.

"Lets try this conspiracy theory for size." He spoke slowly, gently, patiently, and also glanced at Elliot, "You might wanna hold her hand if your fist can take it."

Elliot flexed his fingers, and then smiled weakly at Fin, the first time he'd made eye contact with him since the accusation had been made, "You've got a hard face Tutuola." All the same though, his fingers, swollen as they were, still managed to wrap themselves around Olivia's hand so Munch could continue.

"What if someone slipped a roofie in your drink Liv? Before your 'spliff', after your 'spliff', not sure it matters really. You start to feel giddy, over excited. You think you're stoned. But its not the spliff, it's the pill. Somewhere in that room there's a guy who thinks he's gonna get lucky, but," he paused, thinking momentarily, "you're on Fin's home turf. I know Finn, he'd have been watching your back the whole time. Perp doesn't stand a chance. Am I right?"

Fin nodded, "Yeah. Pretty little white girl in black man land? I had her back. Not that I needed to." He gave Olivia a sad smile, "You were all over me Livvy. Kept saying you were my 'bitch'. You'd got your hands all over me." He knew his words would hurt her, but he needed her to know how it was, for his own sanity as much as anything. He didn't want her thinking she'd been in a heap on the floor and he'd just leapt on her. He'd genuinely believed it was what she wanted. She'd been giving him all the right signals.

Not that that helped them now, as she sat in Elliot's arms, in tears all over again, unable to look any of them directly in the eyes.

He sighed, "It wasn't your fault Livvy. If you were drugged, what happened, it's hell, but its not your fault."

"No. Its yours." Elliot cut in, apparently taking a u turn, as he sat playing gently with Olivia's hair, "She asked you to choke her, and you did it. Presumably," he reached for one of Olivia's wrists, holding it up to show Munch and Finn the bruises, "she asked to be restrained. And you did it. You," From where he was sat Finn could see Olivia start to shake, but Elliot can't have noticed because he continued regardless, "fucked her so hard that an ME, and trained cop and my wife all thought the bruises could be attributed to rape. And you did all this without questioning why a woman who works with you day in and day out solving sex crimes would want that?"

He had a point. Fin knew that. Could have questioned it, should have questioned it, would have questioned it. Except he was drunk and stoned and horny.

He sighed, holding up his hands, "Guilty as charged Elliot, guilty as charged.".

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	6. Partners

**Authors Notes - *chants under breath* I must NOT turn this into an excuse for an E/O love story. I absolutely 100% must not. No. No. No. :D Thanks for the feedback guys! I'm loving it!**

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If Elliot felt any satisfaction from Fin admitting his guilt, albeit it to the lesser charge of 'not asking pertinent questions', it was quickly extinguished when he realised what effect his little diatribe had had on his partner. Still in his arms, but clinging to him a damn sight more tightly, she'd gone from being tearful to absolutely inconsolable, almost to the point of hysteria.

Immediately, he turned his attention from Fin, gently rocking her, trying to calm her down, but to no avail as her breathing became laboured and her body began to shake violently.

Munch acted first, grabbing a bag of chips from a pile on top of the fridge, emptying the contents into a nearby waste bin and then handing the bag itself to Elliot. "Elliot, she needs to breathe in that. You're not going to calm her down any other way."

He slowly moved her, so she was sitting upright, although it was a real effort, given the rigidity of her body; she was completely tensed up, and only by rubbing her shoulders could he get her to do so. "Liv," he said gently, taking the chip packet and holding it to her mouth, "breathe into here. Come on, slowly, in, and out. In and out. You can do it." He was so focused on his task that he almost missed Munch and Fin leaving the room, only noticing and stopping them when they reached the door.

He regarded them suspiciously, "Where are you going?"

It was Munch that replied, "I think she needs some space. And Fin looks like a man who needs a smoke. Is that good with you?"

Elliot thought about it. He was pissed at Fin, pissed at him big time, but for the most part he bought into the roofie theory, and if that were true there'd be nothing left to charge him with. IF that were true. Slowly he nodded, "Fine. But he doesn't leave the building until I see her tox screen." He looked from Munch to Fin, eyeing him with a stony glare, "Because if that comes back clear, and you've been spinning us a clever line, I will see you punished if it's the last thing I do…"

He didn't wait for a response before turning his attentions back to the one who really needed him. Olivia. Her breathing had slowed, and so had the tears, but she was still a long way from ok, trembling badly as she stared down at the marks on her wrists. Elliot reached out, laying his hand over the wounds so they were shielded from her view, but it didn't achieve what he'd hoped.

"I still know they're there." She whispered softly, before looking up at him, her eyes full of confusion, "Why did I ask him for that El? What does that say about me?" As she asked the question her trembling got worse, and the tears started up all over again, "What kind of pervert am I? Am I just like my dad? Am I? Do sex and violence have to go hand in hand for me to enjoy it?"

"Oh Liv…" he pulled her closer, stroking her hair, "Of course not." It pained him to hear her compare herself to her rapist father, and he could see where she was coming from, not that he believed it himself not for a second. He looked into her eyes, wanting her to be able to see into his as he reassured her. "Liv, if you were drugged, rohypnol, GHB, they do crazy things to people. Make them think they want things they don't."

"Or maybe they just bring to the surface needs that were there all the time." She said dully, pulling away from him.

He sighed, planning his next move cautiously, on one level keen to reassure her but at the same time wondering if she was trying to tell him something, and not wanting her to think he would judge her in any way if she was.

"Have you," he took a deep breath, trying to find the right words, "ever… you know, fantasised about anything like that? Its ok you have," he added quickly, not wanting her to flip out, "some people do like the whole BDSM scene, normal people, in loving relationships." He never have thought it of her, and wasn't thinking it any the more now, but something was obviously worrying her.

That said she shook her head, without hesitation, "You think I could get off on the idea of being tied up and beaten after some of the things we've seen? It doesn't do it for me Elliot. Or at least," a tear rolled down her cheek, "I never thought it did. But what if I am like that?"

He put his arm back around her shoulder, pulling her to him, "I don't think you are." He reassured her, "I just think that like so many rape victims we've seen in the past, you're turning this on yourself. Holding yourself responsible."

She bit her lip, tears once again not a million miles away from falling, "How can you call me a rape victim El, Fin didn't know."

It was a dangerous question. One on hand, he wanted her to think of herself as a victim and stop blaming herself, but then again, did he really want her to think of what had occurred as rape? Would she ever be able to move past it if she did, or would blight everything, her life, her relationship with men, her friendship with Fin? It was a serious case of the 'devil and the deep blue sea' and he wasn't convinced there were any right answers anymore.

He looked down at her sadly, "All I know is you've been hurt Liv, badly hurt, and I'm not going to let you hurt yourself anymore than you already have been. Ok?" He was pleased when she nodded, albeit it slowly. "Right," he continued, "why don't you hit the shower, and then maybe you could lay down here, get some sleep."

Again, she nodded, but when she opened her mouth and spoke, her words broke his heart.

"Stay with me. Please Elliot. I'm afraid to be on my own."

Olivia Benson. His partner. His favourite little tough nut who had never been afraid of anything, and this was what she'd been reduced to.

When he got his hands on the rat bastard who'd spiked her drink, he was going to fucking kill him.

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"You know," Munch said, watching at Fin paced the roof moodily, cigarette in hand, "I thought you'd be turning cartwheels. Looks like you're gonna get off."

Fin snorted, turning round to look at him, "No. I liked it a lot better when I didn't think I'd raped her."

Munch considered his words for a moment, weighing them up in his head. He could see where his partner was coming from, could imagine the guilt he was feeling but at the same time,

"You didn't know buddy."

Again Fin snorted, "I didn't know cos I didn't ask." He tossed his cigarette to the floor, stubbed it out with his heel before lighting another one. "Munch, how many times have we pulled in a guy who's justified his crime with ignorance? "I didn't know she was a minor.", "She must have wanted it, she was wet." and what do we say to that? Bullshit. That's what." He took a long drag on his smoke, looking out across the city, "I should have asked."

"Conceded." Munch said in response, seeing from Fin's reaction that he was surprised by the turnaround, but actually, he wasn't finished, "But that doesn't make you a rapist. That makes you a man who didn't ask, and you know, why would you? You said it yourself, she made all the moves. And she's a pretty girl."

"She's a pretty girl who got on her knees in an alleyway by a dumpster and sucked my cock like a common whore." Fin said, obviously, Munch thought, choosing his words deliberately to shock, "You know Livvy. Are you saying you wouldn't have questioned it?"

Munch debated it briefly in his head. He did know Olivia and didn't consider the behaviour Fin was describing to be in any way, shape or form, characteristic of the lady in question. Sure, he only worked with her, he'd never slept with her, but he still didn't see it as her style. That said, he saw little point in telling Fin that and making him feel any worse than he already did, so resorted to Munch staple; inappropriate humour.

"Questioned it? I'd have married her." He waited for a laugh that never came, which in truth didn't actually surprise him, and then, feeling guilty himself for making light of the situation moved over to Fin and put his hand on his shoulder, "You should talk to Huang. You're going to need help with this."

Fin shook his head, "I don't need no shrink. I just need this to have never have happened."

Well that much was true, Munch thought. He felt the same himself, and he didn't imagine Elliot or Olivia would have disagreed.

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Elliot ended up in the women's bathrooms with Olivia, so reluctant was she to be away from him for a minute. He sat on one of the benches, hoping like hell that no one would come in, as she showered, talking to her about… well, nothing at all really… anything to keep her mind off of what had happened.

It clearly didn't work. He could tell that from the persistent scrubbing sounds that emitted from the shower in between her infrequent and monosyllabic answers, and actually, if he'd missed the significance, the fact her skin was red raw, particularly on her neck and wrists, when she eventually emerged would have filled in all the gaps he needed.

He turned away as she stepped out, clad only in a towel. It wasn't like he hadn't seen her in similar states in the past; he'd made an unintentional habit of walking into the locker room at the wrong moment and finding her half naked, but things felt different now, and he had no idea how she'd feel about it given all that had happened. She was, however, quick to put his mind at rest.

"Its ok El."

He smiled and handed her some clothes he'd found in the locker room, a pair of track pants of her own and his hooded sweatshirt from his days at the academy. He knew it was a favourite of hers because it often disappeared from his locker for days at a time, especially when they were on nights and she spent time in the bunk room sleeping. She blushed slightly when she saw it, but took it from him anyway, burying her face in it, an act which in truth, made him feel slightly awkward because he'd seen Kathy do it with his clothes so many times. It was a small gesture, but the connotations were there.

That said, he supposed at that moment, it didn't really matter. He just wanted Olivia to have whatever she needed to feel safe and secure. Not that that was going to be easy.

When she was dressed, he led her back to the bunk room, and watched as she collapsed down onto one of the bunks. She looked exhausted, and actually, he knew just how she felt. He perched on the edge of the bed beside her and cautiously reached out to touch her stomach, slightly worried she might find the gesture overly intimate. "How are the cramps? You need a painkiller?" It was so much easier to deal with something he might be able to do something about than all the other issues that he had no idea how to deal with.

Olivia shook her head, "I'm fine but," she looked at him hesitantly, "will you lie with me?"

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It was a question she'd wanted to ask him so many times during their partnership. During difficult cases, the emotional ones, the ones that affected her personally, the ones that brought her parentage to mind. And then when her mother died, she'd needed to be in his arms on this bunk so much. But she'd never asked, because it never felt appropriate.

She wasn't sure it was appropriate now, but she needed it so badly, needed to feel his comfort and his warmth that she hadn't been able to stop herself. She knew it wasn't text book, she knew that a rape victim was likely to want less physical contact than usual, not more, but then, as she'd said to him, she wasn't really, technically, a rape victim. Not anymore. And what did the text books know anyway.

She looked at him awkwardly, concerned as to how he'd respond to her request. She needn't have worried though because seconds later he lay down on the crib beside her, laying his head on the pillow beside hers.

"Is this ok?" She asked softly, even though she knew nothing else would happen - because it never could, least of all now - but just because she wanted to be sure he was comfortable. That he didn't feel she was pushing the boundaries, and taking advantage of the situation.

He smiled at her, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead, "Liv, its fine. Whatever you need ok?" He put his arms around her, pulling her closer to him, "Is that alright?"

She nodded. It was more than alright. It was what she needed. It made her feel if not completely safe then at least the best she had felt that evening. Safe enough to address the bigger issue. The 'what would happen next'.

Elliot pulled her closer still as he answered, caressing her neck so gently that it felt good, in spite of the bruising there, "We check your tox screen, and then see where we go from there."

She took a deep breath, asking the question that had been whizzing around her head for some time, "What if its clear? What then?" It was almost too much to comprehend, so much had happened in the past few hours. She was struggling to understand what any of it meant anymore. Fin's guilt, Fin's innocence, the part she may have played.

Elliot kissed her forehead again, "Lets cross that bridge when we come to it eh Liv? You need to sleep. Shut your eyes," he said softly, and she did as she was told, too exhausted to argue. "We can talk about this in the morning…"

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	7. One Of Our Own

**Authors Notes - I'm particularly chuffed with this chapter, although will obviously bow to all your better judgements. Pleeeeeeeeeeease let me know what you think!**

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As far as Donald Cragen was concerned, a ringing telephone at 5am was not the best way to start the day, particularly not taking into account the fact that the phone call was from the Mayor's Office and they were ringing to query a phone call they in turn had received from the press, implicating one of his officers in a rape, with a second as the vic.

Not a good start to the day. Not by a long shot.

On the way in to the precinct he tried calling, both the squad room itself and his Detective's mobiles, only to be on the receiving end of a series of engaged tones, diverts to voice mail and endless ringing, and as a result, by the time he eventually arrived, he was absolutely furious.

And he wasn't the only one.

"What the hell are your team playing at?" He met Alex at the door, storming in like a whirlwind, her eyes blazing with anger. "They can't just go around arresting each other."

"Hey," he held his hands up, stopping her in her tracks, "you don't need to tell me that. I'm still trying to work out why I'm only just hearing about this now too."

She stopped in her tracks, regarding him suspiciously, "They didn't call you?"

He shook his head, "Not me, not IID, not you apparently. But," he added, a cautionary note to his voice, because even though he was pissed at his team, he thought he knew them well enough to be able presume that there had been method behind the madness - and he could pretty much guess what that was, "lets go gently eh? You know how protective Stabler is of Benson."

"All the more reason to do this right." Alex exclaimed, as they walked through the building, scuttling slightly in her heels, struggling to keep up with his strides, "If she's been hurt someone needs to pay, and I'm not about to let a rapist walk free on a technicality because Elliot's playing the White Knight."

Don could see where she was coming from, understandably playing the prosecutor in chief, but actually, in covering his team's ass with her, he'd actually calmed down and could see it from their side - even though he'd yet to talk to them, "Elliot's not going to want him to walk free either." He said, as they reached the squad room door and he pushed it open, "I'm sure he's playing this if not quite, then almost by the boo…" His words died on his lips as he took in the sight that greeted him. Of Munch, and more to the point, Fin, sat at their desks, the surfaces of them piled high with case files. He glowered at them, trying not to notice the fact that Alex looked like she might explode at any minute, "What the hell are you doing?"

He expected them to look chastened. Sheepish. Anything other than how they did look which was, well, tired but otherwise unremarkable in any way shape or form, just exchanging a look between them that years of managing people told him meant, "Are you going to explain? Or am I?"

In the end, it was Munch who got to his feet and approached him, a case file - apparently from some years before - in hand, "We're looking at unsolved drug assisted rapes. We thought we might pick up a lead."

"A lead?" Don asked, his head now following Alex in that it felt like it was going to explode too, "A lead into what? I thought…" he gestured towards Fin who was combing through a file of his own. But Munch, to his surprise, shook his head, "There's been some confusion. It looks like a perp slipped Olivia something, and then things got a little bit… well… tangled."

It was an information overload for Don, but he didn't have to worry about responding, as the increasingly highly strung Ms Cabot beat him to it,

"Tangled? So tangled you arrested him? Without a warrant. John what the hell were you thinking?"

The sheepish look that Don had earlier predicted eventually made an appearance on Munch's face, "Ah. Well. That was Elliot.".

Of course. Like he hadn't seen that coming. He'd always known that one day the bond between his two lead detectives was going to lead one, both or indeed the whole squad into trouble. Well it looked like the day had come. Now recovered, he took control of the situation back from Alex. "Where is Stabler?"

"Bunk room." The answer came not from Munch but from Fin, the first words he'd spoken since the ADA and Captain had arrived. "But you might want to knock…"

Don didn't hear the rest of the sentence. He was already out of the room and headed towards the bunks.

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To begin with, as he lay on the bunk with Olivia in his arms, Elliot had thought there wasn't a chance in hell of him sleeping. He was too busy being tortured by the state his partner was in. Hating himself because he hadn't been able to protect her, and wanting to be there if she woke. He'd expected to lay awake the whole night, just watching her, waiting for her to wake.

Which was why, it came as some surprise when he was woken by sunlight streaming into the room, and he realised it was morning. That was his first surprise. His second was finding the Captain stood there, with ADA Cabot stood behind him.

He groaned. Waiting for the fireworks, and not bothering to get in first with any kind of defence. He wasn't awake enough to do that, and the truth was, it was coming anyway, he may as well take it.

It was the Captain that spoke. And Elliot was glad. He looked a damn sight less scary than Cabot even if he was still clearly pretty pissed, "You want to explain yourself Detective?"

He eased himself out of Olivia's arms, slowly, carefully so as not to wake her. It was easier said than done, given the way the two of them had become so entwined in the night, as she'd clung on to him, so heartbreakingly, so desperately. Once he'd eventually managed it though he sat up and ushered his boss nearer, figuring that Olivia's bruises were more of a explanation than anything he could have offered up in his own defence. He watched silently at the Captain examined Olivia's neck and wrists, before stepping aside to let Alex look, tossing Elliot a look of understanding and support as he did so.

The ADA though, was, again, less sympathetic, turning on him angrily, although at least having the common courtesy to keep her voice down to a furious hiss to avoid waking his partner.

"You should have called me." She spat, "If you want justice for her we have to do this right."

It was nothing he didn't know. But it was a bit late for the lecture now. Luckily - or maybe unluckily given the context - he was saved from having to answer by Olivia herself, who chose that moment to wake, obviously unsettled from his having moved and crying out like a terrified child.

He reached for her, pulling her up and into his arms, cuddling her close, planting kisses in her hair. Over the top of her head he met Alex's eyes and wasn't surprised when she asked a valid and pertinent question.

"Please tell me," she said softly, looking at them, taking into account their obviously closeness, the comfortable clothes Olivia was wearing and the fact that her top was clearly his and understandably looking at the scenario as a prosecutor, "that you had a full rape kit done before you got this cosy."

Elliot nodded, "Of course. I wanted to play this by the book."

His words were, he knew, weak, given the circumstances, and when his boss - who up until that point had just stood, staring at Olivia who was sobbing in his arms - called them into question, he knew he couldn't be disgruntled.

"And yet you didn't call me?"

"And arrested Fin without a warrant." That was Alex. Again, no surprises.

He sighed, knowing they were right, and yet he also knew he'd done what he had to, and had to convince them of that, "I couldn't unleash IID on her. You know how barbaric they'd be." He said, desperately, attempting to appeal to the sides of both of them that he knew cared for Olivia, "I wanted to protect her from that while I still could. And as it turns out, now she won't have to face them. We can handle this. Please," he said, as he rocked Olivia in his arms, rubbing her back soothingly, "believe me when I say I was only thinking of her."

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Fin felt sick. The high of the night before, not to mention the Cuban rum he and Olivia had been drinking hadn't helped the issue, but more than that was the knowledge of what he'd done to her, coupled with 4 hours worth of reading statements from victims of drug assisted rape.

Still, he kept reading. It felt like a punishment in a way. Not much of one considering what Livvy was going through, but at least he was being punished in some small way.

He was only distracted by the whirring of the fax machine, and was instantly on his feet. It was going to be one of two things, an advert for cheap Viagra or the proof that would clear him.

Clear him. That was a fucking joke.

He ripped the paper clear from the fax the minute it finished printing, stared down at the words numbly before looking over at Munch who was watching him with a concerned expression on his face. Concerned and questioning.

Well he had answers for him now.

"GHB." He spat, "GHB and fucking rohypnol. A double dose. She obviously didn't look like an easy lay." He heard Munch trying to offer words of comfort, but he didn't stay to listen, instead heading to the bunk room.

The door was open, and Elliot, with the help of Olivia - who was curled up in his arms, her face streaked with tears - was explaining what had happened, or what they had assumed had happened to the Captain and ADA. He waited until a convenient break in conversation then stepped into the room.

Elliot clocked him first, and the piece of paper in his hand. "Well?" He asked.

Fin stepped forward and handed him the tox screen results. Elliot scanned them, and then holding his partner more tightly passed the paper to her before nodding at the others in the room. Fin saw the confusion on the Captain's face and sensing what was behind it, spoke up,

"If you're wondering how we got those results so fast, you need to suggest to Munch that forging your signature isn't exactly legit. I think he just blew your forensics budget for the next year on the rush job."

To Fin's surprise the Captain just nodded, "No problem. We needed to know what we were dealing with. And now we know its not a rape."

"Actually," Alex spoke up, and he became instantly aware that she was looking at him like a particularly unpleasant bug that she'd like to squash, "if she was too intoxicated to consent, I could still try and make a rape case stick.

He knew she had little legal precedent and doubted she could make it stick, but the truth was, he wouldn't have been scared by her threat if she could. Each time he clapped eyes on Olivia, the worse he felt and no punishment a judge could hand out could top that. In fact it might help.

Before he could verbalise that thought though, Olivia spoke up. Quietly, weakly, heartbreakingly infact.

"He didn't rape me." She glanced at Fin, and as she repeated her words, he couldn't help noticing that they sounded stronger the second time, more insistent. Not that the ADA was letting up.

"Sexual assault then? I mean look at the state of you." She turned on him launching into a diatribe that he let wash over him. It was nothing Elliot hadn't said, nothing he'd not felt, nothing that the bruises on Olivia's neck and wrists didn't say.

But again, his defence came from an unexpected quarter.

"Let it go Cabot. He's as much a victim of all this as Liv is." At Elliot's words Fin glanced at Olivia, seeing how she'd react to the suggestion but although she still looked pale and tearful, she too nodded, smiling at him weakly. A forgiving smile.

So much more than he fucking deserved but before he could argue, they'd moved on. Apparently they were happy to forgive him, even if he couldn't forgive himself.

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"So what now Captain?" Elliot asked, "What next?"

They'd moved into Cragen's office, all six of them. It had been against Alex's better judgement. She didn't view discussing a criminal case with both victim and former suspect present as particularly legally sound, and she still thought they had to play things by the book if they stood any chance of securing a conviction against the thus far anonymous man who had spiked Olivia's drink. Which they needed to.

In all honesty, she wasn't even convinced that there wasn't a case for Olivia's fellow detective to answer but since the other woman was arguing it there wasn't much she could do. Olivia was also the reason the six of them were in one room, being as she was attached to Elliot like a limpet with little chance of removal.

Not that Alex didn't understand that. If she'd been drugged by a stranger and had hard, fast, painful, violent forcible sex with a colleague she might have been the same, but it didn't make the violations to correct legal procedure any the less serious. She still had huge concerns about the way things had been handled. One of which she felt duty bound to make known, cutting Cragen off before he could answer,

"I have a question. I need to ask, as a prosecutor." She got up from her seat, and moved over to where Olivia was sat, huddled in Elliot's arms, "Have you been coerced at any point during this? You wouldn't be the first female cop that an almost exclusively male squad have closed ranks against to protect one of their own."

It was a serious question and she'd genuinely felt the need to ask it, so she was a little miffed when Munch started to laugh. She swung round to face him, "Care to share the joke?"

"You're naivety is the joke." Munch replied, "You're naïve if you think Olivia would admit to being coerced in front of us." He was, Alex conceded, right there. But it wasn't like she had much choice in the matter since it seemed to be a case of buy 1 SVU detective get another 4 free. She was about to say as much when Munch continued, "And you're even more naïve if you think Elliot would be part of any plot to discredit or hurt Olivia. Never going to happen. Not in a million years."

Shit. He was right again. And actually, the more she thought about it, the more she knew it. She shook her head, holding her hands up submissively, "Fine. Whatever." She turned to Cragen, "What IS next?"

Cragen looked round the room, as if summing up his options, which, Alex suspected was precisely what he was doing. Eventually his gaze landed on Fin,

"You're benched." Alex cheered inwardly. Right decision.

Cragen moved onto Olivia. Alex didn't even bother guessing what was coming next. It was a foregone conclusion. "You're benched too." He turned to Munch, "You go to the bar they were at. Talk to the owner. Ask about other incidents because I'd put money on Olivia not being the first." His gaze went to Elliot and Alex pulled a face. Surely he wouldn't… not considering?

"I should bench you, but I need you. Go with John."

Great. She already had images of him smacking an innocent witness or similar. Not that she could do much about it because Cragen was already turning his attention to her.

"And you, stop it with the 'I'm sucking a lime' face. She's one of our own. We play by our own rules. Understood?"

She groaned inwardly. She understood. Loud and clear. SVU were calling the shots and she could like it or lump it. Marvellous. Absolutely marvellous.

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	8. Looking For Answers

The discussion in Cragen's office was a blur to Olivia. Everything from the moment she'd seen her tox screen results was an absolute blur, as she tried to face up to the fact that what had only been a theory up to now, was fast becoming truth. She didn't know whether that made what had happened better or worse, she didn't really know anything at all, just that she desperately wanted the nightmare to stop.

Not that there was much chance of that now. Not now she'd had it confirmed that someone had drugged her and as a result she'd done all the things and said all the things Fin had claimed she had. Things that she'd never thought she'd do in a million years. It just didn't bear thinking about, and yet, she couldn't stop doing so.

It was only when Elliot got to his feet that she dragged herself out of the horror and back to reality, grabbing his arm frantically to stop him leaving, only to feel utterly mortified when she realised what she'd done and that their colleagues were watching.

She let go instantly, but then, hating the break in contact between them snatched his arm back again, muttering words of apology as she felt her cheeks flush red.

Elliot crouched down beside her, gently rubbing her hand, "Its ok Liv." He said softly, "I understand."

He sounded so genuine that she knew he did really and truly did, but yet, seconds later he was standing again and slowly removing her hand from his arm. She felt her bottom lip wobble and much as she hated it there was nothing she could do to stop it. Just the thought of him leaving left her near to tears.

"Where are you going?" She whispered, wanting the conversation to be private, although she knew all the others were there watching and listening. "You can't go. Please El."

He sighed, and for one minute she wondered if he was pissed at her for being so clingy, but then he took her in his arms again and she realised she was just being paranoid. It was Elliot she was talking about. There was no way.

"Liv," he followed her lead, whispering too, "I need to find the bastard who did this to you. I'm going to head over to the scene, but I'll be back. Soon. And the Captain, and Alex, they're going to stay with you." She knew he was trying to reassure her, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't Cragen or Alex that she needed. It was him.

"Please…" she clung tightly to the fabric of his shirt, "please don't go." She felt weak and pathetic but all the same, couldn't let him leave her.

Her reaction must have stirred something in Cragen because he turned to Elliot, nodding slowly, "Ok. Its Ok Elliot. I can go. You're obviously needed here." She felt a huge wave of relief at his words, but it didn't last for long. Just the time it took for Alex to open her mouth in fact.

"I disagree. You're the one needed here. I know you're doing your damndest to break every procedural rule in the book, but even you have to see that someone needs to get a statement from Olivia, and Elliot's not the person to do that." Alex must have seen the tears that instantly started flowing again as Olivia heard what she had to say because she once again returned to her side, perching on the arm of the couch and putting her arm around her shoulder, "I'm not doing this to be a bitch Olivia, I'm thinking of you, but also his other victims. I'm not saying you got lucky, because clearly you're in hell right now - but at the end of the day, he didn't get his hands on you. He might on someone else, and we know nothing about this creep. He could be infected… he could be violent… for all we know he might not draw the line at rape, that might just be the start… we have to find him."

Olivia didn't like it, not in the slightest, but she knew that what Alex was saying was true, and, although at that the last thing she felt like being was a cop, that was what she was. That was how she thought. And so, slowly, reluctantly, she loosened her grip on Elliot and hesitantly nodded.

"Ok. But don't leave me too long. Please?"

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"The little lady seems pretty clingy." Munch said, once he and Elliot were alone, in Elliot's car, en route to the address Fin had given them. He didn't want to make an issue of it or pry, but all the same time he'd worked with the two of them a long time and wanted to offer his support, besides which he was still mindful of his conversations with Fin the night before about the issues with Olivia and Elliot's relationship, issues he wasn't even sure if the other man was that aware of.

Elliot shrugged, not taking his eyes off of the road, "She's just shaken up, its understandable isn't it? Plus, she's not stupid, she knows that junk is still in her system, she's probably scared she'll do something else out of character. Who better to stop her doing that than her partner?"

It was one explanation but Munch suspected it wasn't the only one. All the same though, he decided not to push it. He figured the last thing Elliot needed to deal with was a further problem, especially one with the connotations that this one had. Instead, he just nodded, "Sure. Its pretty heavy though eh? I don't think either of them are dealing with it particularly well."

"They'd be dealing with it better if Alex stopped being such a harridan." Elliot replied, "I know she thinks she's helping but…" he sighed, "Liv doesn't need it. He slowed the car, pulling in at the side of the road, "Maybe I should go back. Stay with her. Just until she's given her statement. I should be with her for that."

Munch shook his head firmly, "No. The last thing Cragen needs is your input. You're a cop Stabler, a good cop. But Alex is right, your sense of judgement has gone out of the window with this. Understandably, but it has. You won't like it if they push her, but you know and I know, they're going to have to. Stay out of the way, and pick up the pieces later."

Elliot didn't reply but from the brooding silence that came instead, and the fact that he restarted the car, Munch knew that he knew he was right. Not that he liked it, hence not admitting it, but he knew it was true.

The silence remained throughout most of their journey, only coming to an abrupt end when they drove into the neighbourhood where the bar was and Elliot exploded,

"Why did he bring her here? She'd have stuck out like a nun in a whorehouse. He might as well have stuck a 'rape me' sign on her back."

Munch opened his mouth, ready to say that Olivia was a tough little madam who was more than capable of looking after herself, when he realised that the evidence that was presenting itself was very much to the contrary, and so he said nothing, which Elliot took as a carte blanch to continue ranting.

"They should have just gone out somewhere local, somewhere close to the precinct. Her home turf. A cop bar. Why bring her out here? In fact, why take her out at all?" He parked the car outside the bar and then looked at Munch suspiciously, "Since when do Fin and Olivia go out as a cosy twosome? Is something going on I should know about?"

Munch groaned inwardly, as convinced at the end of their journey as he was at the start that there were some things that Elliot didn't need to be confronted with at that point, not least the fact that the 'cosy twosome' of the night before had come about, to put it purely and simply, because of him. Instead he just shrugged, "Who knows. Right," he said, opening the car door and hoping Elliot wouldn't realise he's being fobbed off, "shall we?"

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Cragen had been through some bad times as a cop, but he didn't recall anything that matched up to the levels of bad that taking a statement from Olivia reached. He'd had all the training, knew exactly what he was meant to do, meant to say, but sat across from her in the soft interview room, all of that went out of the window. It was just unbearable seeing her looking like she did. Like a victim. The sharp contrast to her normally bright, sparky, personality was just too much to bear.

He took Alex in with him, against his better judgement. He'd been torn over the decision because she was being so snippy, but, at the same time, he wanted a woman there. It was just good practice, having a female around, given how vulnerable victims could feel, and in some sick twist, his female detective of choice, the one he usually used, wasn't available.

She was his vic.

The beginning wasn't so bad. The easy questions. What time they'd gone out, where they'd gone. Olivia was slightly cagey but then he figured she was going to be. She wasn't used to being on the other side of things.

It got harder the further into the evening they got. She got confused, and then tearful and frustrated as she struggled to recount the events of the evening. He tried to reassure her that was understandable given the drugs in her system but she wasn't having any of it. Didn't want the sympathy. Didn't want Alex to hold her hand. She just…

"I want to remember…" She got to her feet, pacing the room like a wild animal. "I need to remember." She started to cry but when Alex moved yet again to comfort her she pushed her away, "Its just a mess. I don't remember things I should, and I do remember things I shouldn't." She sank down onto the floor, putting her head in her hands, "My head won't work like I want it to. I can't remember anything else. I can't tell you anything else. I'm sorry…"

Don got to his feet, moving to her, wondering if she might accept help from him if not Alex, but before he reached her the door to the room opened and Fin entered.

"I think you should stop. She can't tell you any more. She was too out of it."

Don knew he was right, he'd pretty much decided that things had gone far enough himself, but all the same he knew Fin's comment hadn't been a wise one, at least as far as Alex would be concerned…

He wasn't wrong.

"You were listening to that?" She rounded on Fin angrily, "You were on the other side of that?" She indicated the pane of one way glass that separated the interview room from the one next door, "Sweet Jesus Fin, you may not be the perp but you're a witness. You were with her last night. And you weren't, I'm hoping, so off your face, that you can't remember what happened. If we find this guy, I'd need you in court and you've just listened to the victim's testimony. If the defence get hold of that…" She faded out, presumably knowing she didn't need to spell it out to the other man. He wasn't THAT stupid. She turned from him to Don, ripping into him as well, "Did you sanction that? Him listening in?"

Once again, he knew she was making a good argument. A sound argument. But she was also pissing him off. He gave her a cold look, the one he usually saved for his Detectives when they were being unruly, "First off. The victim has a name Counsellor. The victim is called Olivia. And as I'm sick of reminding you, she's on the job. Now, as I said before, that's going to be mean that things are a little different round here at the moment. People are going to behave differently, and in some cases do things they shouldn't. So If you can't turn a blind eye to that then maybe you should leave. Or, maybe you'd like to stay and help me comfort the girl sobbing in a heap on the floor over there. Its your call."

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Fin knew Alex was right. He knew he shouldn't have watched them taking the statement, he'd known it the minute he'd started doing so but he'd done it anyway. For two reasons. One, he wanted to hear what Livvy did remember, what she felt he'd done and two, he felt responsible for her. Completely and utterly responsible. Especially with Elliot out of the picture.

Which was why, as Alex and the Captain were bickering between themselves, he cautiously approached her and slowly, hesitantly lowered himself to the floor beside her. Not touching her, he knew better than to try that, but just sitting with her.

"Livvy." he said gently, "Its ok. No one expects you to remember."

She looked up at him, with a face that was so clearly tortured that it broke his heart and made him feel guilty all over again, pretty much in equal proportions. "I want to remember. I need to remember. Or even just…." tears welled up in her eyes, "know, you know. Know exactly what happened. When. How."

Hearing her words, he was torn. Part of him felt that the last thing she needed was to discover the answers to the questions she was asking, felt that it might be a case of too much too soon, if indeed she was ever going to be strong enough to know. And yet, he could sense her desperation at not knowing, and couldn't help wondering if that was the worst form of torture after all.

"I could tell you." He watched her carefully trying to gauge her response to the suggestion, "You've given your statement now so I can fill you if you think it would help."

"Oh Hell!" Alex piped up, apparently taking a break from her debate with Cragen, "What kind of a suggestion is that? Can you imagine on the stand? At cross? Olivia drops in a detail she couldn't possibly know and the defence discover it came from the guy who screwed her while she was drugged. A witness."

Fin glanced at Cragen, wanting to see what his response would be, but to his surprise Cragen appeared to be looking to Olivia for an answer.

"Would that help Olivia? Talking to Fin?"

He saw her hesitate, and then slowly she nodded, "I can keep anything he tells me off the stand. I'm not an idiot. I can handle a cross examination without letting anything out I shouldn't. I'm not lay man, this is what I do. And I really need to know." She reached out for Fin's hand and grasped it tightly, the first time she'd touched him since they'd been in the alley, "Please tell me…"

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	9. Discovery

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Elliot hated being away from the precinct, and away from Olivia. Sure, he could see the reasons behind it, and if he and Munch found a single solitary lead that led back to the bastard who had spiked her then it would be worth it, but all the same, being separated from her and concerned for her, he was in no mood to be dicked around.

Tragically, no one had thought to inform the owner of the seedy looking little joint Fin and Olivia had been to the night before, and thus he was seeing fit to give them a mouthful about rights and warrants and other such crap. He was just about to apply some muscle when Munch cut in, beating him to it.

"Look 'dude'," he said, glancing around the bar where a group of alleged employees were relaxing after hours, "I count 1, 2, 3, 4," he got closer to the bar's owner and looked into his eyes, "5 people I could arrest on drugs charges right now, so if you want to talk warrants we can talk warrants for those arrests. Or else you could talk about what we want to talk about, and in return we might forget all about the drugs charges."

The owner considered this, but briefly before nodding slowly, "Ok. What ya wanna know?"

Munch opened his mouth to speak again but Elliot stopped in him in his tracks before he could do so. As he saw it, his partner had been raped, it was his interrogation.

"So," he glanced down in his notepad at the notes he'd already made, confirming the asshole's name, "Wesley. You ever hear of anyone using roofies in this neck of the woods?"

"Nah man. We don't need that shit. That's the posh white guys weapon innit?" Elliot seethed inwardly at all that was being implied, but tried to keep his temper at bay, and concentrate on the hint of hesitation he was convinced he'd heard in the other man's voice.

He cocked his head, "But?"

Wesley grimaced, "No flies on you eh? I had this one broad. About," he paused thoughtfully, "a month of so back. Came in one day, all guns blazing, claiming someone had stuck it to her out back. Claimed she'd been too out of it to consent. I put it down to too many rum punches and paid her off. I couldn't have her spouting that shit. Its not good for business." His eyes narrowed suspiciously, "Is that what this is about? She been stirring up trouble? Cos if so I want a refund."

His refund was within seconds of coming in the form of a punch in the mouth from Elliot who couldn't believe what he was hearing. In some ways, it was an absolute blessing, it was absolutely 100% what they needed. A break. Some evidence but at the same time he was incandescent that the hell his partner was going through could so easily have been avoided. Although he knew he ought to know better, his arm jerked back, ready to throw the punch but the move was avoided as he felt Munch grab his elbow, stopping him in his tracks. Resigned to having to take 'proper channels', he hit Wesley with another question,

"You think you could describe her? This, 'broad'?."

Perhaps sensing how close he'd come to a pounding Wesley took it straight down the line in answering, not a fragment of his former game playing,

"I can do better than that. See Sandra over there?" He nodded over at a young girl, Elliot had her pegged at being in her early 20's, stoned off her face and playing tonsil hockey with one of the 'employees', "She dates a guy called Pearson. Not him." He added, pointing to the other half of the tongue sandwich, "Anyway, this Pearson has a kid sister. She was the broad. When Sandra comes up for air, I'm sure she'll tell you where to find her…"

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"Why did we go out for drinks?"

"Livvy, you know why."

Olivia's heart sunk at Fin's answer. They were sat on the precinct roof, a move entirely focused around their need for air and privacy. He was smoking, and although she never did, was tempted to, but ended up thinking better of it given everything that had happened the night before. She took a deep breath, "I told Cragen I didn't know."

"I know." Fin came and sat beside her, and to her surprise it didn't scare her or make her feel uncomfortable. He took a long drag on his roll up and then turned to look at her, "Cragen knows you lied. He'll let it go. Don't worry about that."

She knew it wasn't that easy. It was one thing her lying, she had the excuse of the drugs in her system. It wouldn't be that easy for him, "They might ask you."

Fin shrugged, "I'll tell them the truth. That you'd had a lousy day and looked fed up. I don't need to mention Elliot."

Relief coursed through her at his words and although it was the last thing she felt like doing she afforded him a very brief smile. "Do you know why I don't want Elliot mentioned?"

Fin paused before answering, looking out over the city streets, "Lemme see. You don't want your partner to know that I took you out because you were pissed that he was spending the night romancing his wife. And you don't want him to know that because as a result you hit the bottle to such an extent that when your drink was spiked I just assumed you were just drunk, and acting out over him and because of that I did things to you thinking you'd consented, things that in actual fact you didn't want and you know, like I do, that if he hears all that he'll blame himself for the state you're in now."

It was an accurate summation. Right on the nail. So on the nail that she didn't even bother confirming what he'd said. It wasn't a suspicion that needed confirming. He was already convinced.

Instead, she turned her attention from Elliot to him, to the person who was already blaming himself.

"It wasn't your fault either." She said softly, "You were just trying to be nice."

"Nice. Yeah." Fin snorted, and she followed his gaze to her bruised wrists as he spoke, "I was real nice wasn't I Livvy?"

She lifted her arms, running the fingers of one hand over the bruises on the wrist of the other, "You said I wanted it." She said slowly, hesitantly, knowing she was so close to the truth that terrified her but yet needing to push on regardless, desperate to know, "Did I say it just like that Fin? Did I ask you to restrain me? Did I spell it out in glorious Technicolor?"

"Remember the Cuba Libre's?" He asked, and she nodded, because somewhere, in the recesses of her brain she could just pinpoint the cocktails that seemed to be 3 parts rum to one part coke when she swore it should have been the other way around. She watched as he closed his eyes, and wondered what was so horrific that he couldn't face looking at her as he said it.

She was about to find out.

"You threw one of those down your throat, and you looked at me with your pretty little face, the same pretty little face I've known for years and you said, "A man like Elliot wouldn't know what to do with a slut like me. His idea of 'restraint' is waiting for that bitch to ask nicely. With me, its got a different meaning."."

The bile rose up Olivia's throat but she fought it back, furiously, determined she wasn't going to be sick and embarrass herself in front of Fin, which was actually pretty ironic considering the nature of what he's just told her. She looked at him questioningly, "Was it all about Elliot?" The very idea chilled her to the bone. Yeah, the idea of drugs in her system was hell, some of the things Fin had already told her were hell, but if it had all come down to Elliot, if it had all been inextricably linked with him then… what did it mean? She'd been struggling enough with the idea that the drugs had unleashed some kind of perverse sexual desire in her, no matter what Elliot had said, and if he was integrated in the middle of that somewhere, surely… well… that made it personal… that made it true.

To her relief Fin shook his head, "No, not really. Not after that. And Livvy, you mustn't feel bad. It doesn't mean anything." He added, like he was reading her mind, "He was just on your mind that's all. The drugs probably seized on that."

"You make them sound very calculating." She remarked, surprised by his description, "Like they were the perps. Mr Rohypnol. Mr GHB. Plotting away in a corner trying to find the best way to hurt me." The image, of two cartoon like characters, almost, if not quite, made her smile. That would have to be the sickest TV show on earth. "Mind you," she added, "My mentioning Elliot in that context must have made it easier for you to convince yourself that I really did want it. You probably felt you were doing me a favour."

He shook his head, "Nah. Not really. I mean on the surface yeah but I know you better than that, I watched you cry over him when you were pissed, because you wanted him to hold you, cuddle you and kiss you, and then I watched you resenting and hating him when the drugs kicked in. That's the indicator I should have picked up on. I'm sorry Livvy."

Her turn to shake her head, hating what was happening. It was bad enough her tearing herself apart without him doing it too. "Forget it." She murmured, "I just want to know the facts. I remember kissing you, inside, and in the alley…" she looked at him, looked deep into his eyes, "Were you convinced by then? Convinced that it was what I wanted?"

"No." He ground his cigarette into the ground and then lit another one, "When you kissed me I was just playing along. I took you outside thinking the air would sober you up."

"It didn't work?" She had vague recollections. The passionate kisses, her head crashing at some velocity into the outside wall of the bar. He shook his head, lowering his eyes, once again speaking volumes without saying a word. She took a deep breath, summoning up every bit of bravery left inside her, "What happened next?"

"You got to your knees."

He didn't need to say any more. She couldn't remember, but she could imagine, she knew what was being implied. She was tempted to ask further questions, but then she realised it was unnecessary. Blowing a guy was blowing a guy. She didn't need the details. Not about that anyway. "And after that?"

"We fucked."

It was cold. Harsh. To the point. But she didn't blame Fin. There was no point dressing it up, it was what it was and she already knew what that was. It was sex, with her wrists restrained, and presumably, given the damage, his hands at her throat.

She looked away, again summoning up the courage to continue, "Did I cum? Did I orgasm?"

A beat. Silence. And then…

"Livvy, it's a physical response. You and I have seen so many rape victims whose bodies have responded…"

A yes. A categorical fucking yes. A categorical fucking yes that broke her heart.

Raped. Choked. And liked it.

What kind of pervert was she?

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"He's done it again then?" There was no way Munch could have missed the accusing tone in Donna's Malone's voice as she fired up the coffee machine in the sandwich bar where she worked, "He's drugged the ass off of someone else."

"What makes you say that?" The question was Elliot's, HIS voice as uptight at a tightly coiled spring.

Donna shot the two of them a disparaging look, "Cos you're finally asking the question." She reached for a paper cup, set the coffee running into it, "I assume she's white…"

Munch watched Elliot, deeply concerned he was about to grab the girl by the throat but to his surprise, he was gentle, soft, "Donna, why didn't you tell anyone?"

She shrugged, "Cos no one cares about white men raping black women, not even black men."

"You mean Wesley?" Munch cut in, "he paid you off.."

Donna topped the coffee cup up with frothed milk and passed it to Munch, "I didn't give a shit about the money. I just wanted to stop it happening again."

Elliot sighed, again, his voice taut with anger, "So you didn't report it. Just took the cash."

The girl, Munch noted, had the cheek to look embarrassed, "Like I said, I was black, he was white. You'd never have believed me."

Again, Munch expected anger from Elliot but again it didn't come. Instead he moved to the girls side, put his arm around her shoulder, "I believe you now. And please, tell me you'll work with a composite artist… I want to put this bastard away…"

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	10. Broken

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Fin knew the minute the words left his mouth that he'd given Olivia completely the wrong answer to her question. As he watched her retreat into herself he wished like hell that he could retract his response, and lie to her. But it was too late, the damage was done.

She said nothing for a long time after that, just stood there, staring into space, blinking back tears. He could see from the look in her eyes that she was torturing herself and he didn't have the first idea how to make her stop so just had to leave her to ride it out.

He glanced down at his watch, praying that Elliot wouldn't be too much longer. If ever Olivia had needed him it was at that moment. Fin himself couldn't be any use, he knew that. He'd tried to help but in fact had just made things worse for her. He was just considering suggesting that they head back downstairs when Olivia finally broke her silence.

"I didn't remember liking it when I woke up. Just the pain. That's why I told Elliot what I did. I'm sorry."

He couldn't believe that after everything she'd been through, she was the one apologising to him. He'd been pissed at her to begin with, sure, but once the drugs had entered the equation everything changed. He shook his head, smiling sadly, "You don't have to be sorry." He hesitated slightly, before moving on, not wanting to push her any further but also needing some answers of his own, "Is that what happened? You fell asleep and then when you woke up you panicked?" He'd been wondering how things had unfolded, been wondering when Olivia had shifted from wanting it, to not.

She nodded slowly, "Yeah. You put me in a taxi?" She looked at him quizzically, "That's right isn't it? You put me in a taxi and I fell asleep and when I got to my apartment the driver woke me and," he watched as she paled at the memory, "he was leaning over me, to wake me, and I freaked, and then I remembered you and," To Fin's horror she started to cry again and although he spoke up gently, told her she didn't have to go any further, she was in full flow and couldn't stop, "I hurt so much, my arms and neck, between my legs, I just thought… I just thought…"

It killed him to hear. Absolutely killed him. Even taking the consent issue off the table, it shook him to the core that he could be capable of hurting her so badly and he hated himself for it. Was that the kind of man he really was? The kind of man who could cause pain and like it. He had to face it, the truth; after all, she wasn't the only one who'd got off on it. The fact he shot his load was a testament to that. He sighed deeply, wishing he could turn back the clock, "I am so sorry Livvy."

She shrugged his apology away, "You were only doing what I asked." He could hear a real numbness, an emptiness in her voice and therefore wasn't surprised when she started to walk away from him too. She smiled weakly, but it didn't come even close to reaching her eyes, "I'm going back downstairs. But… well… thanks."

He shook his head disbelievingly; an apology and a thank you? He failed to see what he'd done to deserve either. A jail sentence maybe, but neither of those things.

Not after what he'd done.

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Alex was taking a moment in the women's bathrooms when Olivia appeared. A 'gathering her thoughts' type moment. A trying to be professional moment. It wasn't proving easy; she was determined to be the 'measured' one. The one who did the right thing. The one who was thinking in terms of justice and not retribution. But, with Cragen looking at her like she was some kind of cold callous bitch and everyone else clearly agreeing with him it was proving difficult.

And it was just as Alex was thinking that it couldn't get any more difficult that Olivia entered the room and she realised that actually, yes, it could.

The other woman didn't register her presence, instead heading straight into one of the shower cubicles. Within seconds the shower had been turned on, and seconds after that the sound of the spray was joined by that of Olivia sobbing.

Part of Alex wanted to walk away, leave the room without another word. She was the ADA, she'd be prosecuting the case, the last thing she needed was to be too emotionally involved with the vic.

But then, as Cragen hadn't pointed out to her, this wasn't 'a vic'. This was Olivia. Her colleague. Her friend.

That was where good sense abandoned her, as she found herself tapping hesitantly on the door to the cubicle.

"Olivia…"

No answer, just more sobbing. Alex took a deep breath and slowly pushed the door open. She had no idea if Olivia would appreciate the infringement of her privacy but she needed to check she was ok.

Ok. Yeah. That was a good one.

The detective had crumpled down into one corner of the shower, sitting in the tray, her head in her hands, her body trembling violently, her shoulders heaving as she retched uncontrollably. Alex knelt down, kneeling at eye level with her, or where eyelevel would have been if she'd lifted her head out of her hands. "Olivia?"

Again. No response. Whatever had happened up between Fin and Olivia on the roof , it had clearly only proven Alex's point that the two of them talking was a lousy idea. Still, it was hardly the moment for crowing, not when Olivia was in such a serious state. Instead she kicked off her shoes, and reached through the shower spray to turn it off before climbing into the shower herself, getting to her knees beside Olivia and taking her shaking body in her arms. After the responses Olivia had given her while Cragen was taking her statement, she was almost expecting to be pushed away, but in actual fact quite the opposite happened, as Olivia clung to her obviously desperately in need to the physical closeness, and she kept her there, cuddled up to her, gently stroking her hair, and doing all she could to calm her down.

So much for not getting personally involved…

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The concern Elliot had felt for Olivia while he'd been out only increased when he arrived back a the squad room and found her to be conspicuous in her absence, and his concern was no more quelled when he realised that the only other person who was missing was Ms Sensitivity herself, Alex. He knew the ADA had a job to do but the last thing he felt his partner needed was someone getting snippy with her.

He marched into Cragen's office where the Captain was sat talking to Fin. Although Elliot's blood was no longer boiling whenever he saw Tutuola he still couldn't quite erase the images he had in his head of the bigger man giving it so forcibly to his best friend. It was just too much to bear. Trying to force the images away, he turned to Cragen,

"Where's Liv?" he asked, "Tell me that you've not left her at the mercy of RoboADA? Hasn't she been through enough already?"

"Cabot's only doing her job." The Captain pointed out, albeit some what unnecessarily. Elliot knew she was only doing her job, he just didn't agree with her methods, but then again, he knew deep down that she would probably say the same about him. "They're both in the ladies bathroom. They went in separately and I didn't think it would be appropriate for me to go in and chase them down."

Elliot had no such qualms, his concern for Olivia once again causing him to fly in the face of normal protocol, albeit on a smaller level. He turned on heel, headed to the bathroom and flew through the door without bothering to knock.

He found them quickly and was stunned at the sight that greeted him. Alex, fully clothed but drenched through sat on the floor of the shower holding Olivia who was wrapped - but barely - in a towel. At another time, in a different scenario, such a scene might have prompted a leery comment from him, and he'd have been dashing to tell the boys what he'd walked in upon. But not that day, not with the state Olivia was in. Not with everything that was going on.

He crouched down beside the two women, and there was no missing the relief in Alex's eyes. She'd obviously been waiting for him to show up and rescue her.

"Its ok." He said gently, as he prised Olivia out of Alex's arms and cradled her in his own. "I'm here now." His words were meant for Olivia but it was the ADA who responded, sounding incredibly grateful, "Thank you. I didn't know what to do to help her."

"You did good." He replied, not knowing for one second if she had done good, but just glad that she'd sat with Olivia and held the fort. He looked down at Olivia who was gripping his arms tightly, her nails digging into his skin, her body rigid as she cried softly to herself. She seemed worse than ever and he couldn't help wondering what had caused things to get so much worse again. He glanced back at Alex,

"What happened?"

The ADA shook her head hesitantly, "I did say that I thought it was a bad idea. But she seemed to want to, and Cragen thought it might help her."

"Thought what would help her?" Elliot asked, trying to get the pieces to fall into place, "What did you think was a bad idea?"

She sighed, "Talking to Fin. About what happened."

If Elliot had regretted leaving Olivia alone before, Alex's announcement only served to make his regret, not to mention his guilt intensify tenfold. He shook his head with disbelief and then handed his partner back to the ADA. "Look after her a moment…" He didn't give her chance to respond before he was on his feet and back out of the door, heading back to the squad room, and a confrontation with Fin.

"What the hell did you say to her?" The other man didn't say anything, but his obvious guilt was written all over his face. Elliot felt his anger growing the longer he waited for an answer. "She wasn't exactly turning cartwheels when I left but you seem to have broken her completely. I'll ask you again, what did you tell her?"

Fin sighed, "I answered her questions. Told her what she needed to know."

Elliot was about to ask what exactly Fin had felt "what she needed to know" was when he was distracted by a witness statement on Cragen's desk, Fin's name shouting to him loud and clear from the top of it. He picked the sheets up, scanning them quickly, until he found exactly what he was looking for.

"You told her she climaxed." It was a statement not a question. He knew Olivia well enough to know what part of Fin's account of the night would hurt her the most. "You told a girl with rapist father that she climaxed as a result of violent sex. Well done Fin, well fucking done.

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	11. Full Impact

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Very little registered with Olivia from the second she left Fin on the roof. It was all a blur, messy, confused and hazy blur, as she became engulfed by self pity and self hatred and self loathing.

She vaguely recalled being in the shower, had the briefest of memories of trying to scrub the filth and the dirt off of her. There were odd flashbacks to Alex holding her, and then Elliot and then Alex again but nothing substantial, nothing concrete, until she found herself sat on the floor on the woman's bathrooms, clad in a towel, Elliot's arms wrapped around her, their bodies entwined as she clung on to him for dear life. He was her only hope of keeping afloat at that moment, she knew she was desperately close to going under.

He kissed her forehead, "I know what's wrong." He said gently, and she could see from the look in his eyes, the sympathy, the understanding, that he did. He pulled her closer, rubbing her back soothingly and then spoke up to reassure her once more.

"Rape victims climax Liv. It means nothing."

She started to cry again at his words because for all he was trying to help, and although actually, like Fin before him he was saying all the right things, it didn't stop it hurting.

"Don't cry." He said softly, "Talk to me. Tell me how you feel."

In some ways he was just being a pro. After all, no one knew how to deal with a vic like he did. But to Olivia, it didn't feel calculated, although it should have done. He was just asking the questions she needed to hear. Needed to answer.

"I feel ashamed." Tears were trickling down her cheeks again but they were controlled enough to let her continue talking, "I feel embarrassed and humiliated and like him…"

"Your father," Elliot said, but it was part of a larger statement, not a question in its own right as she'd expected, "was a rapist. Scum who took all the control and ran with it. You," he continued gently, "had no control. You lost it on one level when the drugs went into your drink, and relinquished it further still when you asked to be restrained. You," he looked her straight in the eyes and although her gut instinct was to turn away from him in shame, something about his words kept her focus on him, "are nothing like that sick fuck. You will never be anything like him. Do you understand?"

She wanted to believe him. She really did. Had it been that easy she'd have taken his words as gospel. But somewhere, in her head, there was a part of her that didn't believe it. That would never believe it. Was prepared to find the loophole.

"Maybe or maybe, like I said before, the drugs brought out what was there all along. Maybe I am that sick. Maybe I am the slut I told Fin I was."

There was a silence, a long silence and she wondered for one minute if finally, actually, Elliot was going to agree with her and tell her she deserved everything she got. Then she glanced at him and realised that he was Elliot, there was no way he was going to do or say anything of the sort - even if he had thought it. All the same though, from the look on his face that he was wrestling with himself, and then he spoke and she understood why.

"And the 18 year old he drugged? The 18 year old he raped? The 18 year old he raped because she "wanted" it? Was she a slut? Was she 'that sick'?"

His words hung in the air between them as Olivia struggled to take them in, let alone get to the crux of what they meant. Elliot obviously saw that she was struggling because eventually he explained, at that exact same moment that it finally sunk in with her and she spoke exactly the same words as him, almost in unison.

"He did it to someone else?"

Elliot nodded, "Her name's Donna. She's agreed to work with a composite artist Liv. We're going to find this bastard and we're going to put him away."

It was a lot to take on board. A second vic. A young girl. In so many ways she could see why Elliot had told her, thinking that it would help her to identify with the girl and stop blaming herself so badly, but yet, she couldn't think that way. She tried but instead it all came down to one thing.

"She didn't report it. If she'd reported it we might have caught him. He might not have been in the bar last night."

"Yeah." Elliot cuddled her closer, "And I know that's shit Liv, but it still give us a chance to get him now."

She knew she ought to be looking at the positives, but she couldn't, not at that moment. How could she? After all, as she was quick to remind him.

"What does it matter? It's too late for me."

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Don was in his office when his two lead detectives reappeared, and he watched through the glass partition that separated him from the squad room as Elliot settled Olivia at her desk. His heart sank as he saw them; she barely seemed to be on the planet at all, and although Elliot was clearly trying his best to hold it together Don could read his body language well enough to see he wasn't far from breaking either. It wasn't surprising, the two of them had always been the same, knocking one of them was like knocking both of them; if one got hit where it hurt, the other would soon be limping alongside them.

And they'd never been up against anything quite in this league before.

He got to his feet, moved to the door, calling out to Elliot to join him in his office. The other man looked torn, hesitating momentarily, before draping a blanket around his partner's shoulder and then calling over Cabot who was sat working at a spare desk on the other side of the room. Once the ADA had joined him at Olivia's side, he squeezed her hand reassuringly and then came in to join Don.

"Will this take long?" He asked, before he was even through the door, "I'll write my notes up from the club and the other vic later, and she's in to see the composite artist after she finishes her shift at 2. Right now Captain, I need to be with Liv."

"Right now Detective." Don said, opening his desk drawer and taking out the bottle of scotch he kept for occasions like these ones, and also as a constant reminder to himself that he could resist the temptation, and sloshing a sizeable measure into a glass, "You need to sit down, drink this and talk to me." He kept his tone firm, letting the other man know that it was an order not a request, although his concern was as much personal as it was professional. Elliot must have sensed all that, because he glanced behind him, looking out to where the two girls were sat, side by side, obviously trying to decide what to do.

"She'll be ok with Cabot." Don reassured him, "Looks like," he quoted Elliot's earlier nickname for the blonde back at him, "RoboADA, is letting up a bit."

Elliot nodded, sitting down, taking the drink from Don's hand, "I found her on the floor of one of the showers, with Liv. She wants to help."

"She does." He agreed, sitting back down on his own side of the desk, "She's just got her own angle."

"For all the good its gonna do." Elliot knocked the drink back, and as he did so, Don knew he'd been right to get him in. He topped up the glass and then looked at him questioningly, "Go on…"

"She's broken." He held the drink in his hand the second time round, just staring into it, the anguish in his eyes so clearly evident that it pained Don to see it, "She's completely broken. You know what its like," he got to his feet, pacing the room, "they all tend to be broken, but with some you can still see the fight. You know from the first second that they're not going to let some bastard of a perp beat them. And then you get those that you can tell just need time, who've got the fight in them but who don't know it. And then, there's those who could go either way, and then," he nodded in the direction of his partner, "there's the ones like her."

He didn't elaborate. Didn't have to. Don knew the 'ones' he meant. He'd seen too many of them in his career, the one's who turned to drink, drugs, suicide even. That said, Elliot's words surprised him because, he'd never have had Olivia Benson pegged as one of them. She was tough, as tough a lady cop as any he'd worked with. He'd have had her down as one of the fighters, the ones who would hang on in there tooth and nail to put their attackers away, and then beat them twice over by moving on with their lives. But if her partner, the man with whom she shared such a unique bond, was saying not, well, it wasn't a good sign.

That said, he saw no sense in writing her off so soon, no matter what Elliot's gut was telling him.

"Give her a chance. Its early days."

Elliot shook his head, "Not for her. She's being consumed by it. Internalising it all. Taking all the blame. Making it personal. Making it about where she came from."

No prizes for guessing what that meant. If there had been one issue in the past that all the squad were brutally aware of where Olivia was concerned it was her heritage. It was part of the reason that in the beginning Don had been so dubious about having her on board; because in spite of her glowing record, he'd questioned exactly why she'd felt special victims was the place for her. But, he'd taken a chance on her, and she'd shown him he was right to do so, proving time and time again that she was a great cop because of her genes, not in spite of them. Still, if it was coming to the fore again now, he could see why Elliot was worried.

"We'll get Huang on board." He said, wanting to reassure his underling, in spite of his own concerns, "He's good Elliot, you know he is. He'll talk to her. Help her."

The other man nodded but he could tell he wasn't convinced, so tried again, "We'll get her through this Elliot. The squad. We'll be there for her," he meant it, knowing full well that they were the closest thing the girl had to a family. Christ, they were her family. "You'll be there for her." Because that wasn't in doubt either, he knew Elliot would go to the end of the earth for her, "And she'll get through this."

"And if she does? If she gets through it." Elliot replied, his voice numb and with tears in his eyes that he tried to hide from Don by turning away from him, "You think she can stay on the job? Cos I don't." Don opened his mouth to debate the point, feeling that the detective that he knew had police work in her blood and would never be able to walk away, but before he could Elliot was setting him straight, "Every time we find a vic restrained, she'll be reminded that she asked for it. When we've got a body showing signs of strangulation, she'll know she wanted it. I'll tell her it was the drugs, I'll believe it was the drugs. But that'll change nothing for her…" He stood with his back to Don, his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking and it didn't take a lot to guess why.

He'd never seen it before, but his Detective was crying.

Don got to his feet, moved to his side, put his hand on his shoulder, going for fatherly above everything else.

"Detective. You're benched. Take Olivia home. I think that's where you both need to be."

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	12. A Change Is Gonna Come

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Munch was writing up he and Elliot's trip to meet the second vic when suddenly he was interrupted by Alex perching herself on the edge of the desk, a wistful expression on her face. "What I don't understand," she began, and as she did so he followed her gaze to the opposite side of the room where Elliot had just finished helping Olivia into her jacket, and was wrapping his arm tenderly around her shoulder to help her out of the squad room, "is the fact that I'm someone's daughter. Someone's sister. Hell, I've even been someone's girlfriend. And yet no one's ever cared that much about me."

"I've never cared that much about any woman." Munch replied, "Mind you, there's a reason for that, given that all four of my ex wives were money grabbing, nagging witches." He kept his tone deliberately light, not wanting to commit himself to serious comment where the relationship between his SVU colleagues with concerned. He thought Alex was on their side, thought he could trust her, but being as he was, naturally suspicious by nature, he was never going to be entirely convinced.

Unfortunately Alex was never going to let him off the hook that easily.

"Is that a partners thing?"

He cracked a smile, "Sure, Tutuola and I hold hands wherever we go."

Alex shot him a frustrated look, clearly aware that he was being deliberately evasive, "I'm not trying to catch anyone out John. I just wondered, that's all. For Gods sake, I'm not enemy. I want to catch this perp too. I want him put away for a long time."

"And will you?" Munch asked her, "What's this shit looking at when we find him?"

There was a long silence and from the look on Alex's face Munch could tell he wasn't going to like the answer. And he wasn't wrong.

"For Olivia? Drink spiking carries a maximum of 10 years imprisonment. But if he's a first time offender, it could be half that, and with good behaviour…"

Munch digested her words, did the math, "He could be out virtually before he's even in." He glanced down at the witness statement on his desk, "But there's the second vic. Would it be too much trouble for you to get a rape charge to stick on that?" He knew he was being prickly but he'd seen two people he cared about in too much pain in the preceding 12 hours to entertain the possibility that he perp behind it might walk away.

Alex looked at him thoughtfully, "We'd get a longer sentence on that if we can prove that. I mean that's rape, although," she added, sounding like a true harbinger of doom, "in that case he could end up serving any time he gets for Olivia concurrently. I'm not sure how she'd feel about that."

He didn't know how Olivia would feel about it but he knew that he thought it was a load of crap. Serving a sentence concurrently was like not serving one at all. That said, Alex hadn't finished.

"But like I said, that's only if I can get it to stick at all. Any of it. Aside from the drugs in Olivia's system we're not exactly drowning in evidence. We've got an unreported rape, a rape attempt that never even got off of the ground. Even if we can get a match on the drugs and an ID on a suspect, it doesn't leave us with much."

Munch's eyes narrowed, unable to believe what he was hearing, "You're saying this pervert could walk."

Another awkward silence and then Alex nodded slowly, "I hate saying it John. But yeah. He could."

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After his altercation with Elliot, Fin returned to the roof, a place that was fast becoming his safe haven in the precinct. The only place he felt like he could breathe. Well, that and smoke, which was, he supposed, something of a contradiction.

He'd been up there a while when Cragen appeared, crossing the roof and sitting down beside him. He looked at him, waited, not bothering to guess whether it was a reading of riot act or another dose of sympathy that was coming his way. The answer was going to come soon enough anyway.

As it turned out, the Captain had his kid gloves on.

"I just sent Benson and Stabler home. I suggest you do the same."

He shook his head, "No thank you Sir." He registered the other mans surprise, "You've benched me, but I can work this. Drive it from the desk. There's plenty of case files left to go through."

He thought he'd got away with it, that Cragen was going to let him stay, but then he discovered otherwise.

"Detective, you were implicated in this case. You're a witness in this case. Go home."

"And do what?" The words came out more violently than he intended, spat out as he tossed his dog end to the floor and began to roll another cigarette, "Relax? Sleep? Read a good book? Do you have any idea what's going on in here right now?" He touched the side of his head lightly, "Cos trust me Capt'n, I aint gonna be doing those things for a long time to come. My brain won't let me." It was an understatement actually. It wasn't that his brain wasn't prepared to work, it was that it was, in overdrive. The whole of the night before rushing through it again and again just for him to chew over, to analyse. Everything Livvy had said, everything Livvy had done, each moan, each sigh, each whimper. The whimpers were particularly contentious, the moans too, sounds that at the time had proved such a turn on but now left him wondering if he'd missed a vital signal; if actually, she'd tried to ask him to stop.

If he ever discovered she had… If he ever remembered she had…. Well, he didn't know what he'd do but, it wasn't gonna be good.

"Fin." The Captain cut into his thoughts, again sounding all sympathetic, which was so much more than he deserved, "I was just talking to Elliot. He thinks Olivia will struggle to ever come back to the job."

Fin was bemused by the direction the conversation was taking. Talk about kicking a man when he was down. As if he didn't feel bad enough about Livvy without hearing that screwing him was enough to put her off the job for life. That said, he wasn't actually sure I believed it.

"Livvy won't quit." He said shaking his head, "This has hurt her. Shaken her. But she's Livvy. She's a strong kid. She'll fight back. The only way she'd ever leave this job before her time is up, is in a box." Even as he said it, he knew they were big words that actually given the state she'd been in that day stood every chance of not coming true. But yet Fin had to believe they would, or else he suspected he'd crack up himself.

"Time will tell I guess." Cragen said, before moving on and revealing to Fin why he'd actually brought it up in the first place, "And what about your future? When this case is through, do you still want to be a cop?"

Again, as it had been with Livvy, his answer was automatic, "Of course. I love this job."

The Captain smiled, "Good. Then go home, get your head together and find a way to accept what happened between Olivia and you. To cope with the guilt and sense of responsibility you're feeling for what happened. And then, when all this is done, we'll be able to move on, as a squad. You and Olivia, Elliot and Munch, and me. We can make it work, but you've got deal with your demons first Fin, just like Olivia needs to."

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As he sat on the couch in his living room, waiting for Olivia to finish up in the bathoom, Elliot found it hard to believe that only 12 hours earlier he and Kathy had been making love to celebrate their anniversary. It seemed like a lifetime ago. So much had changed since then, irreparably so in some cases.

Just as he was thinking that, Olivia reappeared, clad in a pair of Kathy's pyjamas, her hair wet from her latest shower. Her 3rd? Or 4th even. He could barely keep up anymore. He'd wanted to stop her, didn't like the way that each time she took one the skin around her neck and wrists seemed to look increasingly redder and more sore when she emerged. But how could he deny her, when it was what she wanted, what she needed.

He patted the couch beside him, "You going to come and sit with me?"

She nodded, moving to his side and lowering herself down gingerly, wincing as she did so. She was clearly still in severe pain, both physical and mental and it killed him that there was nothing he could do about it. He offered her pain killers but she shook her head, instead leaning into him, wrapping her arms around him, in a gesture that seemed to be second nature to them both now. He'd been surprised by her need for physical contact at first, but actually, it was almost a good sign. At least he could comfort her, at least she wasn't cowered in a corner, terrified of being touched like so many victims he'd seen in the past.

He twisted round slightly, trying to get her comfortable, and when they eventually found a position that suited them both, he was laying down, propped up by a pile of cushions, with her beside him, although her arms were wrapped round him in such a way that her upper body was resting on his stomach and her head on his chest. He looked down at her, wanting to check she was ok and to his surprise her eyes were already closed. He ran his fingers through her hair, "Are you alright?"

She opened her eyes sleepily, "Yeah? Can I stay like this?"

"Sure." He planted a kiss on her forehead then watched as she closed her eyes again, almost relieved she was going to sleep. After everything she'd been through she needed all the rest she could get. She must have concurred with the view point, because soon after she slipped off to sleep, leaving Elliot just to hold her and watch her, wanting to be there for her if the nightmares came.

But actually, they didn't seem to. There were moments where he held his breath, when she twisted awkwardly in his arms, or let out the occasional cry or gasp, but for the most part she slept soundly.

So soundly that she didn't even wake when Kathy arrived home an hour or so later, fresh back from the supermarket by the look of all the bags in her hands. The minute the door went, Elliot held his breath, knowing how his wife felt about his partner and not entirely sure that the temporary ceasefire of the night before would continue, especially not taking into account the way Olivia was sprawled across him nor the fact she was clad in his wife's pyjamas. He braced himself, waiting for Kathy to appear but actually, as it turned out, his concerns were unfounded.

"How is she?" His wife asked, her voice at a whisper, as she sat in the armchair next to the sofa, eyeing the two of them with not an ounce of suspicion but instead with bucket loads of sympathy.

He shrugged, "Its not good Kath. I'm sorry I brought her here," He added, "She didn't want to go back to her apartment." That was putting it mildly really, considering the way she'd cried when he'd suggested it, "She was outside there when it hit her what had happened. She just couldn't face it."

Curiously, Kathy smiled, "Its fine. Elliot, she needs you. I know that." She got to her feet, "I'll make you some tea, then I'll make up the twin beds in the spare room. You can sleep with her in there tonight. Ok?"

Ok? No. It wasn't ok. Not by a long shot. On one hand, he was glad that Kathy wasn't being objectionable because he wouldn't have handled it and neither would Olivia. But… all the same… making up the spare room for the two of them? Coming on THAT nice when usually she couldn't hear Olivia's name without gnashing her teeth. And yes, he knew the reasons why; she was being kind and compassionate because of what his partner was going through, but, if he was honest it was just another reminder that everything had changed.

And that was the last thing he needed.

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	13. Morning

**Authors Note - Sorry about the delay on this one! Its been giving me problems this week but luckily I know exactly where its going next so hopefully you won't have that long a wait for the next part!**

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Olivia woke early the next morning, jolted awake by a feeling of being smothered that left her heart pounding and her body sweating. Her eyes flew open as she tried to work out what was wrong and where the feeling was coming from, finding the answer as she realised she was squashed into a single bed with Elliot, their limbs entwined and his body pushed up against hers.

Hastily she pulled away from him, climbing out of the bed, her own body trembling violently, as it was having a propensity to do since the night before last. She sat down on the spare bed in the room, trying to control the shaking and her breathing which was also laboured, watching Elliot sleep as she did so.

It wasn't his fault, the way she was feeling. She'd been the one who had begged him to sleep with her rather than in the nearby bed on which she was now sitting. She was the one who'd wanted to be held, the one who'd wanted someone to cling to. It wasn't his fault that her crazy little head had changed its mind in the night, something that it seemed to have become accustomed to doing since her drink had been spiked.

When she felt calmer she got to her feet and made her way into the kitchen to get a drink of water, since her throat and mouth had been left dry by the panic attack. When she got there she was surprised to find Maureen stood at the fridge, drinking from a carton of juice, wearing an outfit best suited to a night out clubbing. She cleared her throat, not wanting to startle the girl, who turned, smiling when she saw her.

"Hey Olivia."

"Hi." Olivia said softly, before offering up an explanation as to her being there, "I stayed over last night. I…" she stopped suddenly, unsure what to tell Maureen about the reason as to why she did stay over. She knew Kathy and Elliot hadn't told their younger children what had happened, but Maureen wasn't stupid. She'd know something was afoot.

As it happened though, she needn't have worried as Maureen soon came to her rescue, "Its ok. I know. My mom called me last night, she told me what's going on. She knew I was going out last night," she added, "she wanted to warn me to be careful."

"Oh." There wasn't much Olivia felt she could say to that. In fact, all she really wanted to do was flee the room, feeling self conscious and increasingly aware of the state of her neck, which was a messy mix of deep bruises and red raw skin after she'd scrubbed at it so hard the day before. She moved to the sink, thinking she'd just get her drink and go but before she could Maureen spoke again.

"How are you?"

She shrugged, "I've had better days."

"I can imagine." The girl moved from the fridge to the kettle, flicking the switch, "Coffee?"

Olivia shook her head, thinking the last thing she needed in her system was another stimulant. All the same she forced herself to look at Maureen, smiling at her weakly, "Thanks though." She again took in her outfit; the little satin vest top, and denim skirt and thigh high boots, "Your mom said you stayed at a friend's last night."

Maureen grinned, "That's what we tell daddy to stop him worrying. You won't tell will you?"

She shook her head, figuring she had enough on her plate without involving herself in the Stabler's family politics. Although the cop in her, not to mention the victim in her couldn't help but offer up a few words of advice, "Be careful though. This isn't always the nicest city in the world."

"I'm a big girl. I can look after myself." Maureen replied confidently, causing Olivia's heart to sink more than a little as she did so. After all, it was easy to believe you were invincible, but easier still for someone to teach you that you weren't that tough after all.

She was just discovering that herself.

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Elliot couldn't remember the last time he'd slept so late. Usually he was awake long before the alarm, but that morning he slept all the way through it, missing it completely, and only waking when Kathy woke him at 7.45.

The first thought that went through his head was to question why he was in the spare room, although it didn't take him long to remember, and it was that which prompted his second thought as he realised something - or rather someone - was missing. He looked at Kathy through bleary eyes,

"Where's Liv?"

"She went home."

Home? She'd gone home? It made no sense. Not taking into account how hysterical she'd been at the suggestion of returning there the night before. He sat up, bolt upright before getting out of bed and heading to his own room to throw on some clothes. A shower would have to wait. He could always grab one at the precinct later.

As he dressed, he turned to Kathy who had followed him, "When did she go? What did she say?"

Kathy shrugged, "I didn't see her. Maureen saw her when she got in from Jenna's. She said she was going home to get some fresh clothes and that she'd see you at work later."

It some ways, it actually seemed like a good thing. Progress. Perhaps a sign that Liv was feeling better, but, at the same time, he didn't like that she'd just gone off on her own. In the past she'd had a horrible tendency to withdraw from him when the chips were down, and if that was what she was doing now, for whatever reason, there was no way that could be considered healthy. She needed all the help and support they could give her.

He finished dressing and headed into the kitchen in search of his oldest daughter, who was sat at the breakfast table, eating a bowl of cereal and wearing more make up than most of the pros he encountered in the course of his work. He glared at her,

"Wash that off Maureen."

He expected an argument but it didn't come. Presumably Kathy had prepped their daughter about him having enough on his plate. Instead she smiled at him, "Sorry daddy. Was just trying to cover up what a wreck I look. Jenna and I were up all night working on a paper."

He wasn't sure if he bought the line but decided he didn't have the time to debate it. He had other things on his mind, "How did Olivia seem when you saw her?"

"She looked tired." Maureen said, glancing at her siblings who were sat with her, obviously trying to decide what she was safe to say, "Her neck looked sore, but otherwise she was just Olivia you know. She got a cab home, said she'd see you at work."

"Yeah, your mom said." He replied, "Look," he turned to Kathy as she entered the room, "I need to get off. I'll see you later yeah?"

Kathy nodded, but grabbed his arm, pulling him to her and kissing him, "You take care today El, and call if you need me."

His turn to nod, but truth was, mentally, even if not quite physically, he was already out of the door. It wasn't him he was worried about. It was Olivia.

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"How many hours have we been on this now?" Alex asked, slumping forward, banging her head on Olivia's desk, which, in her friend's absence she'd sequestered as her own.

From the other side of the room, Munch grinned at her, "Welcome to Police Work, Alex." She watched as he got to his feet, raiding the fridge and bringing her yet another energy drink. "This is nothing. You're only just over your first 24 hours as a cop. Wait until you hit 36, 37, that's the real kill point."

She cracked open the can and knocked it back, "If this is working for the NYPD you can keep it."

Again, Munch grinned, "You won't be saying that when the DA eventually gets hold of you and fires your ass for abandoning your post to do grunt work with us mere mortals."

She laughed, but Alex couldn't help glancing worriedly at her mobile phone as she did so. It lay discarded on the desk, switched off several hours earlier when the DA kept calling and didn't take the hint when she refused to answer. She knew it was unprofessional, knew she'd probably get censured for it, but she knew the team needed the extra pair of hands.

Team. That was a laugh. Cragen had sent Tutuola off to lick his wounds, and Olivia and Elliot had gone off together the day before. Which just left Munch, his conspiracy theories, Cragen and Cabot the Rookie Cop.

The rookie who was learning way more than she'd ever wanted to. Quite aside from being the token woman in the room for the taking of Olivia's statement, she'd also done the touchy feely girlie bit when the second vic had met with the composite artist. After that, after she'd foolishly offered her services, she'd ended up cross referencing statements, incident reports, previous complaints and records of recently released perps all through the night to establish… well… absolutely nothing.

Tiredly, she got to her feet and made her way into Cragen's office, "Could we get a profile on this? From Huang?"

She did wonder whether Cragen might tell her to butt out and stop trying to teach her grandmother to suck eggs, but to her surprise he smiled, "You're learning fast. Very fast." he added, noticing the energy drink in her hand, "Welcome to the NYPD, Counsellor."

"Munch just said something similar." She replied, before adding, hesitantly, "Thanks for letting me help out."

He shrugged, "You're helping me out too. Even if I have had to…" he gestured to his phone, which was off the hook, "your boss is a persistent lady. Alex," he said as she went to leave, stopping her in her tracks, "do you mind me asking what changed your mind? The firebrand who walked in her yesterday morning would never have considered getting involved in this way…"

She sighed, pausing at the door and turning to face him, "The firebrand who walked in yesterday hadn't sat in shower cubicle with a shivering wreck in her arms. The firebrand who walked in yesterday hadn't had to break it to anyone that she doesn't know if the sick bastard will pay for this. I've learnt some tough lessons in the last 24 hours Don, I just want to do whatever I can to help."

"You can start by telling me where the hell my partner is?"

The words came not from Don, but from Elliot who had appeared behind her, his tone of voice, like the look in his eyes, not hiding in the slightest how worried he was.

Don got to his feet, came over to join them, "What do you mean? I sent her home with you."

Alex jumped as Elliot smacked his hand against the wall of the Don's office, "She got up and left while I was sleeping. Said she was coming here." He looked around the room, almost shaking with fear, "So where the hell is she?"

"Elliot," Alex put her arm around his shoulder, "Please, calm down. Maybe she just went home to take a bath or a shower, and get changed. Why don't you call her apartment."

It sounded like a sensible solution to her but Elliot was shaking his head before the words were even out of her mouth, "No. I went there on the way. She's not home." He looked at Alex, his eyes wide, his concern for his partner written all over his face, "Where is she Alex? Where's Olivia?"

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	14. Progress

**Authors Note - Woo! We're moving again! I love it when a fic acts like this and writes itself! Thanks as ever for the reviews etc, and big thanks to FTVW for giving me the idea for this next part (you gave it me weeks ago so you might have forgotten but it was definitely you!). **

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Melinda had a body laid out on the table and was just putting the kettle on for her first cup of coffee of the day when there was a knock on the door. She looked up, although truth be known she didn't need to. She'd been expecting this particular visitor for some time.

She smiled when she saw she was correct, "Detective Benson, come on in."

Olivia came into the room, giving the stiff on the table an awkward glance as she did so, "If you're busy, I can come back later."

Melinda shook her head. She knew why the other women was there, and what she wanted, and there was no way she was going to put her off. She turned to her assistant, "Can you stick this one on ice? The Detective and I are going out."

As she left the room, and headed for the locker room, she indicated for Olivia to follow her, which she did, although quibbling about the fact that she was pulling her away from her work,

"Its not professional Melinda, its personal."

She stopped, looking Olivia right in the eyes, "I know what it is Olivia. I dealt with your rape kit, and I knew then that you'd make your way here. Your squad are good, and I'm sure emotionally they're giving you all the support you need. But, sometimes its not all about emotions right? Sometimes its about science. And for that? I'm your girl. So why don't you hit the Starbucks across the street and I'll be with you as soon as I'm changed."

Olivia nodded slowly, smiling weakly but gratefully. Melinda reached out, giving her arm a squeeze and then headed into the locker room to get back into her civvies.

She did so, in record time, and arrived at Starbucks not long afterwards to find Olivia sat in a booth, nursing a mineral water, staring into it like it was the most interesting thing on the planet. She got a coffee for herself and then went to join her.

"Quarter for them?" She asked gently.

Olivia shrugged, "I was just thinking that maybe this was a bad idea." She looked up at her, a guilty expression on her face, "You and Fin… you've been out. You must feel conflicted."

"We've been out drinking, dancing." Melinda said, wanting to reassure her, "Shared the occasional plate of nachos. Its hardly the romance of the century. I don't feel conflicted." And she didn't, that much was true. She had done, the day before, when the rape kit had landed on her desk and she'd seen the details. Casual relationship or not, the last thing she wanted to know or believe was that Fin could be capable of rape, because at the end of the day he was her friend too, but once she'd seen the tox screen, it stopped being about that. The tox screen made it a whole different ball game. Because Fin was innocent, but she knew Olivia would need her all the more.

"Anyway," she added, bringing that point to the fore, "this isn't about me. This is about you." She sipped her coffee, looking at Olivia questioningly, "What do you need to know?"

The other woman looked at her, apparently still hesitant, then slowly started to speak, "You said you dealt with the rape kit?"

Melinda nodded, "Your vaginal swab was clear for seminal fluid, positive for spermicide." It was blunt and to the point, but she knew that was what Olivia had come to her for. Her squad would be sugarcoating things for her, but she obviously needed the cold hard facts.

"He used a condom." Olivia said, with enough relief in her voice for Melinda to assume that she hadn't been aware of that fact before. Again, Melinda nodded, "Yeah, but if you've not taken an emergency contraceptive, you still should, there were fluids on your clothes, and your underwear."

"Already done." Olivia confirmed. She took a deep breath and Melinda sensed she was building up to something so just gave her the space and time to do it. It took a while but eventually she got there. "Can you run another tox screen? Tell me that I'm clear of that crap?"

She sighed, knowing that she couldn't give Olivia the answer she needed to hear. "I can run a screen." She replied, "But I can tell you right now that it won't be clear. You're looking at a week at least before it comes anywhere close to that."

"A week?" There was no missing the horror in her response, "I can't be like this for a week. I…" she swallowed hard, obviously trying to get her emotions under control, "I'm all over the place. I'm up, I'm down. I want holding. I don't. I want to be alone. I want to be with people. I don't know if I'm coming or going. I can't have a week of this. I can't have a week of that bastard controlling me."

Melinda sipped her coffee, feeling sorry for her, but at the same time knowing there would have been little point in lying to her, especially since she wanted the tangible evidence that wouldn't have lied even if she had, "I know its hard Olivia, but you're just going to have to roll with it. But if it helps, it won't all be the drugs. You've been through a serious ordeal, that's going to affect you too, you know that. Give yourself a break eh?"

"A break. That's a joke." Olivia replied bitterly, "Melinda, is there," she paused, obviously struggling once again with what she was about to say. Melinda reached out and touched her arm gently,

"What is it?"

"The drugs in my system. Could they have -" she sighed, "unleashed, is that the right word? I don't know." She put her head in her hands, "I'm sorry, I'm not making much sense."

Melinda wondered whether she ought to leave her to find the question on her own, wondering if actually, she needed to ask it, needed to put it into words. But then, seeing what obvious turmoil she was in, and how stressful she was finding the situation, she stepped in to help her out.

"You want to know if the substances in your drink modified your behaviour based on needs you had that you didn't even know existed?"

Olivia nodded, "How did you know?"

"Lucky guess." She replied enigmatically, although actually, the truth was that she'd had the very same conversation with Elliot on the telephone the day before, but had the tact and discretion not to disclose that fact to Olivia. "Look," she said gently, "I found evidence of gamma-hydroxybutyric acid, and benzodiazepines in your blood work. Now they're like alcohol, but more potent, they're going to intoxicate you, they're going to lower your inhabitations, they're going to leave you with anterogade amnesia, which explains why you don't remember much, but that's it, ok? They're not the keys to the kingdom Olivia. They're not the keys to your psyche or to your sexual desires, quite the opposite in fact. And the more you convince yourself that they are, the worse you're going to feel, and I suspect you feel bad enough right now, without making it any worse for yourself."

Olivia said nothing at first, and then, slowly, hesitantly, she smiled. A weak smile but a smile all the same. "Thanks Melinda." She sipped her water and then looked at her curiously, "Is that what you told Elliot when he called you?"

"How did you know?" Melinda asked, surprised by the question, convinced she'd covered herself well when Olivia had asked before.

Olivia smiled again, "He's Elliot, I'm Olivia. How could I not know Melinda?"

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Once upon time, the idea of a little downtime might have been attractive to Fin. The life of a special victims detective was a frantic one, with very little time for sleep or relaxation and being on the job he'd often yearned for it. And yet, now he had it, given the circumstances, it just wasn't happening.

He put his muesli bowl to one side, it felt like it was choking him anyway, and reached for the phone, punching in the number for the squad room. It rang, persistently, and then eventually Munch answered. At least he thought it was Munch, although he appeared to be putting on a Chinese accent.

"'lo? Mr Wongs Chinese Takeaway, can I take your order?"

Fin grimaced. Clearly his partner was losing it under the pressure of the case. "Munch man, its Fin."

"Ah," the Chinese accent quickly disappeared, replaced with the more expectedly Munch like tones, "Fin. How are you?"

How was he? What kind of question was that? Given the circumstances he'd hardly be turning cartwheels. Taking that into consideration he ignored the question, refocusing it on Munch himself, "You?"

"Well, all things considered I'm surviving without you. My new partner is a sexy blonde piece, mind you, she's yet to work out how to use the coffee machine."

The 'new partner' threw him, incredulous that they'd have replaced him after such a short space of time - particularly since he was intending to go back. It was only when he heard Alex hollering a rude word at Munch down the receiver that the pieces fell into place. "Cabot's your new partner?"

"Yeah." Munch confirmed, "She's swapped the glamour of the court room for the glamour of staring at me all day."

"Lucky girl." Fin deadpanned. The humour might have felt misplaced with all that was going on, but actually, it was how they generally handled things in SVU, and he was just grateful to have someone to talk to, after the hours he'd spent in his apartment with only his own thoughts for company. "Does that explain Mr Wong?" He added, the pieces falling into place as he imagined just how well Cabot's unorthodox deferral to the squad would be going down with her superiors.

"You surmise correctly." Munch replied, "You're good at this. Have you ever considered a career as a detective?

"You're a funny guy Munch." Fin said, but he was through with the humour now. He wanted to get onto the actual point of his call. "I just wanted to know how things were. With Livvy. And the case."

"Ah." Munch fell oddly silent and unMunchlike. "Well. Olivia is AWOL. But don't worry…"

Fin felt like his head was going to explode. Munch had kept him on the phone for a good minute or so making wisecracks when Livvy was AWOL? Livvy. Vulnerable Livvy. Messed up Livvy. What the hell was he thinking? "Don't worry?" he snapped, "She could be anywhere. She could have had complications from the drugs, she could have had a seizure, or else she could have hurt herself. She could be in bath with a toaster somewhere…"

"You're not coming up with anything Stabler hasn't already." Munch said, cutting him off, "He's considered all of those and then some. But really, don't worry. He's got every cop in the city on alert looking for her. Not to mention every traffic cop, which considering how she drives means we'll have her back before elevenses."

It wasn't much of a comfort, but Fin knew no one looked after their own like the NYPD did, and also knowing Elliot like he did, there was no way Munch was exaggerating about the scope of the search for the girl. "Just let me know when she gets back." He said firmly. "Now, the case…"

Munch groaned, "Can't you ask me a question that might result in good news. Please?"

Fin's heart sank, "You've still got nothing."

"We've got a composite, but our friend at the bar is being particularly non helpful. I could have shown him a picture of Rudolph Giuliani and he'd have pled ignorance. Odd really. You'd think with a white man raping a black women he'd have been all the more happy to help."

"Donna Malone's rapist was white? The bastard who spiked Olivia was white?" Fin felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. This was it, this was the break they needed. It just needed the right man to see it. Not to mention handle it.

"White as 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue." Munch confirmed, "But the bar manager claims he's never seen him before."

Fin snorted. "Bullshit. Absolute BS." There was no doubt in his mind, the bar manager was lying his ass off. And benched or not, he was going to prove it.

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	15. Break

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As Munch put the phone down he became aware that Elliot, who had been pacing the floor of the squad room, had moved to his side.

"Was that Tutuola?"

Munch nodded cautiously, knowing that his partner was still something of a sticky subject with Elliot after the events of the day before. To his surprise though, when Elliot responded, it was almost with concern.

"How's he holding up?" He must have registered Munch's surprise because he was quick to question it, looking at him curiously, "What?"

Munch shrugged, "Just surprised to hear you ask I guess, you know, taking into account the fact that last time you saw him you were all ready to punch his lights out for the 2nd time in as many days."

"I just felt he should have held back more from Liv." Elliot said softly, "She didn't need to know all the gory details, all the shit." Munch opened his mouth to comment that actually Olivia wasn't a child, and as such Fin had no choice but to answer her questions as openly and honesty as he could, but then thought better of saying so when he realised that actually as something close to a child was precisely how her very protective partner saw her, certainly at that moment, if not in fact generally. It was one of the reasons why their relationship was so very complicated. And on the subject of complicated…

"There's still one thing I don't understand." Elliot said, breaking into his thoughts, "I was reading over his statement again. He said Liv was having a bad day, and that was why they went out. But I don't recall her being anything other than fine…"

It was unlikely, Munch thought, that Elliot would have remembered that Olivia was having a bad day, given his own preoccupation with his plans for his romantic night in. That said, he wasn't about to share that with him for fear of being prompted as to the nature of the 'bad day' that he'd missed. That really wasn't one he wanted to get into.

Unfortunately, it didn't appear like Elliot was going to drop the subject any time soon.

"I just don't get it. I know Liv. I know when she's having a bad day. Do you think it was a cover?" he said, suddenly sounding suspicious, "Do you think that there's something going on? I mean its feasible right, I mean she's a good looking girl, maybe he did ask her out, then this all kicked off and they thought they had to hide it."

"Unlikely." Munch interjected, a bit taken aback by the sudden leap, "Elliot, you're sounding paranoid, and that's coming from me. Really."

Elliot sighed, "Yeah, you're probably right. I mean I'd know if Liv was seeing someone. Its obvious. There are 'tells'. But I just don't get it. If something was bothering her, I'd have known."

It was ironic that for someone who seemed to be so clued into his partner, he managed to miss what the rest of them found it so easy to see. Again though, that wasn't something Munch was about to share with him, and luckily for him he was rescued from having to comment by an interruption from the other side of the room.

"El, don't lose any sleep over it." The two men turned to see Olivia, standing at the door to the squad room, "It wasn't a big deal."

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She been there for a few minutes, just listening to their conversation, and feeling increasingly awkward about it. The last thing she wanted was Elliot pushing for answers to those particular questions. He was her partner, and she loved him and she wanted to protect him from the truth. She could tell Munch was floundering too, and that was why she'd stepped in to ease the pressure.

Luckily, it did the trick as Elliot came to her, "Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick."

She was surprised by the intensity of his reaction, considering she'd left a message with his daughter, "I told Maureen where I was going." she said softly.

"But that was hours ago! You didn't show up here. You weren't at home. Where have you been Liv?"

She knew his reaction was only borne of his concern, but that didn't stop it affecting her, as she shrank back, shaken by his tirade, "Elliot. Stop it. Don't shout at me. Please…"

He must have realised how much he was upsetting her, because pleas caused an instant turn around as he backed off. "Liv…" he said his, his tone much softer, "I'm sorry. I just…" he held his arms out for her, "come here."

She moved into his arms, aware of her body trembling and needing him to hold her and soothe her before it got out of hand. She let him pull her closer to him, as her stroked her hair and cuddled her tightly,

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

In his arms she started to relax, looking up at him apologetically, understanding how his concern for her could have caused the reaction it did. "Its ok. Its my fault. I shouldn't have gone off without speaking to you, but, I needed to speak to Melinda." she added by way of an explanation.

At her words he looked visibly relieved, "Melinda. Of course." He turned, addressing Alex, Cragen and Munch, "She was with Doc Warner." When he looked back at Olivia he looked bashful, embarrassed even, "They said there'd be an explanation but I got wound up, antsy."

"Over imaginative?" She asked, quite being able to imagine how worried he'd have been and the kind of horror stories he'd have been creating in his head, "Did you have me throwing myself off of the Brooklyn Bridge?"

He shrugged, "I didn't know really, but you've still got that shit in you. I didn't know what you might do."

After her conversation with Melinda, his words were no shock to her, but he obviously perceived that they might be because he was once again apologetic, but again she was quick to shake his apologies away,

"Its fine El. Mel told me that too. I can't say I like it, but I have to accept it because there's nothing I can do about it." She moved to sit at his desk seeing Alex sat in her own, and then looked at him hesitantly, "Did she tell you that when you called her last night."

Elliot looked abashed, "She told you I called?"

She reached for his hand, squeezing it reassuringly, "She didn't need to. I guessed." She took a deep breath, trying to build up the courage not so much to ask him the question she wanted to but bracing herself for the answer, "Why did you ask her what you did? Did you think the drugs might have unleashed kinks I didn't know I had? Was that it?"

He shook his head and pulled her back into his arms, "No. Not at all." He reached out and stroked her cheek, "I just knew it was worrying you, and wanted to be able to give you medical reassurance if you asked again."

She believed him. Elliot would do many things to protect her, she knew that, but she also knew that he wasn't much of a liar because she could see though him every time.

"Do you feel better?" he asked, "Now Melinda's reassured you?"

She nodded slowly, because the truth was that she did. She wasn't fine, in fact she was still a long way from that, but it was one less thing to have to worry about. To come to terms with. It was the smallest step on the way to recovery.

Elliot smiled, "Good. All the same," he added, somewhat cautiously, "maybe you should talk to Huang. He's coming in later, to give us a profile. You could talk to him too."

Olivia contemplated the idea, and quickly rejected it. It wasn't that she didn't like Huang. She did. She liked him and she trusted him, but some things were just too personal to share with someone you had to see in a professional capacity so often. It was bad enough that she and Fin knew what had happened in such detail, without anyone else knowing. That said, she acknowledged that she was going to need to help, especially until the drugs were out of her system, but she knew exactly where she was going to go for that.

She shook her head, "I'd rather not, but El," she hesitated slightly, "will you stay with me, at my place, until Melinda runs a clear tox screen?" she knew it was a big ask, but as she expected her partner didn't hesitate.

"Of course Liv. Not a problem."

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU ***

Fin made it from his apartment to the club in record time, but found it locked up. Still, it was no bother. He knew the scum who ran it lived just upstairs.

He made his way up the fire escape and hammered on the door, his anger driving him. Anger that the creep had held out on his SVU colleagues and that they'd not seen that they were being played. Not to mention the still festering fury that he felt for the jerk who had spiked his friend, and at himself for taking advantage of it.

He banged on the door a second time, only for it to be jerked open and the club owner, Wesley to appear in the doorway.

"You that desperate to score that you can't let a man get his beauty sleep?"

It wasn't the first time Fin had been mistaken for a user. In fact, he often used his appearance to lure dealers into thinking just that. But this time, it really pissed him off. He wasn't in the mood for it.

He grabbed Wesley by the throat and pushed him back into his hallway, shoving him up against a wall, "I'm desperate alright, but not for what you're selling." he kicked the door shut and then let the punk go, "I want answers. And I want them now."

The man looked at him, as if trying to place him, his eyes narrowing, before finally he succeeded, "You were in the club a couple of nights back. Yeah, I remember… " he clicked his fingers, "you were with the white broad. She was a good looking piece." He grinned at Fin salaciously, "and hot for it. The two of you gave us quite a floor show."

Fin felt physically sick at his words, remembering the way Livvy had pulled him onto the dance floor, rubbing herself against him, groping him wildly. She'd have screwed him there and then if he'd let her.

Still, all the more reason to try and get answers. That was what would help her now, not getting all consumed in self pity and guilt.

He pushed the guy back against the wall again, "Right. So you remember a horny white chick but a white guy completely misses your radar?"

Wesley shrugged, "I don't look at guys. I'm not a queer."

Another shove, more vicious this time, "This white guy is a regular Wesley. A regular in a club where that would make him stand out in the crowd, and yet you claim you can't ID him from a picture?"

A look of understanding appeared in the other man's eyes, "You know the cops that were here?"

A pulled his badge from his jacket pocket, and flashed it at the guy, "I am one of those cops. And thanks to the Honky you claim you can't identify, I found myself stuck on a rape charge for screwing the 'piece'. Wanna help me out now?"

Wesley said nothing, and Fin sensed that his tactic of choice wasn't doing the job like he'd hoped. Obviously the reputation of his club meant way too much to him. Fine. Time to play hardball.

"You know, you've given me suspicion to think you might be dealing. I could get a warrant for a search on that. And if we bust ya, your club's closing anyway…"

The club owner sighed, "Fine. I did recognise the guy. He's comes in a lot, works in the convenience store down the street. He's a real wigger… I just presumed he liked the music…"

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU ***

It was Alex who took Fin's call. She listened to what he had to say, taking notes as she did so, her hopes soaring as she heard what he had to say. When he was done, she glanced back over her notes again and nodded,

"You come in, I'll have a warrant for his arrest by the time you get here."

She wasn't surprised when Fin argued though, "No. You get the warrant and meet me at his crib. This is my collar."

The ADA in her argued, but her humanistic side squashed the argument flat. It was natural he wanted to finish the job, and she knew like he did, that if he came into the precinct first, Cragen would stop him going out again.

"Fine." she said, "But I'm bringing Munch. If I let you go in alone, you'll kill the guy…"

She took the address and then hung up, getting to her feet and heading to Cragen's office, when she reached the door she turned, "John, Olivia, Elliot, you might want to join me. You're going to want to hear this…"

When they were all settled, crammed into the small office she glanced down at her notebook, and, fixing her gaze on Olivia told them the news Fin had just called in.

"He's found him?" Olivia asked shakily, grabbing for Elliot's arm, "How?"

"He applied some pressure to the club owner." Alex explained, "I chose not to ask for details. The guy, an Alex Schieder, is a regular at the club, and works in the neighbourhood. Fin spoke to his boss and got an address, took a photo of him entering the premises and sent it to my phone." she brought the picture up on her cell's screen and handed it to Munch who let out a low whistle, turning it to show the others.

"Matches the photo fit perfectly."

Alex nodded, "We've got him on the rape. All we need to do now is tie him to Olivia."

She heard someone clearing their throat and when she turned in the direction of the sound she was greeted by the sight of Olivia clinging to Elliot, her head buried in his chest and her body shaking. "Doesn't look like we're going to have much of a problem doing that." Elliot remarked.

Alex moved to their side, going via Munch and taking the phone from him, before crouching down at Olivia's side, "Do you recognise this man?" Olivia turned her head slightly to look at the phone again, blanching as she did so and then slowly nodding.

"He was in the club. He hassled me outside the toilets. I'd forgotten but seeing his face again…" she tightened her grip on Elliot, "he hassled me, but I flashed him my badge." a tear rolled down her cheek, "I just wanted to get back to Fin." she collapsed against Elliot again, but it didn't matter, she'd given Alex everything she needed.

"Well done." she reached out and rubbed her back, before addressing the rest of the room, "Now we've got him on two counts…"

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU ***


	16. Comeback

**This chapter could also be called "Procedure? What procedure?" but then I guess that is true of the entire fic really! As ever feedback is really really important to me, oh and brace yourself for the chapter after this one because its going to be a biggie!**

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"Are you ok?" Elliot asked Olivia as they sat alone in the squad room. Cragen, Munch and Alex had gone to obtain a warrant then on to arrest the suspect and much as Elliot had wanted to be there, he recognised that his partner needed him more.

Olivia shrugged, "I don't know. I just…" she sighed, biting her bottom lip, and he sensed she was near to tears, "I don't know how I feel about any of it anymore. I just feel numb."

He pulled her to him, and she came willingly, resting her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, wanting to console and reassure her. It was no surprise that she was feeling the way she was really, not with the drugs still in her system, not to mention the emotion effects of the trauma she'd been through. He'd just have to stay with her and help her ride through it.

"Its alright." he said gently, rubbing her back, "I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere… unless you want us both to leave." he added as an after thought, not sure how keen she'd be to come face to face with the man who had put her into the position she was, especially taking into account her extreme reaction to seeing his photograph. "Do you want to go to the crib room?"

She shook her head, and for a second, the slightest trace of the old Olivia shone through the pain.

"No. I want to see the bastard. Does that sound mad?" she asked, looking up at him, slightly hesitant after the fact.

He smiled, shaking his head, "No. That sounds brave. I'm so proud of you." he told her, suddenly overwhelmed by her strength. He'd been so sure the day before that she'd been beaten, and now, against the odds she was starting to come back.

Maybe she was going to survive it after all.

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Judge Morrow read over the warrant in front of her, then looked up at the row of faces that were watching her hopefully. She reached for a pen, her eyes fixed on Alex in particular. She knew the girl only by reputation, and had heard good things, even if it was thought that she could be over zealous at time.

But over zealousness didn't begin to explain the warrant the blonde ADA had presented her with.

"Donna Malone," she said, as she scrawled her signature across one page of the document, "Fine. No problem. But Olivia Benson, you can forget it."

There was a collective gasp from the assembled group that quickly transformed itself into an explosion with Alex leading the arguments.

"Olivia ID'd the perp. What more do you need?"

It didn't evade the Judge's attention that the ADA was talking more like a cop than a lawyer and while she understood the reason why, it still bothered her. She fixed Alex in a particularly stony glare, "I need an identification gained through proper procedure, from a witness who wasn't under the influence of drugs at the time."

"SHE ID'D HIM!"

The judge's eyes narrowed, as she began to spell out the obvious to the young woman who was either deliberately missing the point, or had achieved her level of office in spite of being exceptionally dumb. "Through a line up? Or though an ID card containing photos of a number of individuals? Or did she, as your warrant suggests look at a singular photo on a mobile phone, that you had just told her was of the man who drugged her and made her foolproof ID that way?"

A silence fell over the room until the only sound that could be heard was a single word, muttered by Ms Cabot herself.

"Shit."

Judge Morrow watched as the woman turned to the two NYPD detectives and looked at them helplessly, a guilty expression on her face. The two men looked pretty grim, and it didn't surprise her when the more decorated of the two spoke up.

"Your Honor, with respect, Olivia Benson is a NYPD detective. A decorated NYPD office. She knows right from wrong. She wouldn't be led into making a false ID."

She sympathised with Cragen, Commanding Officers were notoriously protective of their lower ranks, and from what she'd heard, he was no exception, but that didn't mean she agreed with him and his less than objective standpoint.

"Olivia Benson is victim Captain Cragen. She's been drugged, is no doubt scared and confused, and I suspect a long way from thinking like a police officer right now, and even if she was, the law is the law. If I let this one through any lawyer worth his fee will contest it if the case gets to court, and leave Ms Cabot in a real mess." It was true, the ID would never win a case now. It was going to need a confession or…

"Can I at least have the search warrant for his home?" Alex said, as if reading her thoughts, and bouncing back on them, bloodied but refusing to be beaten, "If we find drugs matching those in Olivia's system then we've still got a case right?"

The judge flicked through the paperwork until she located the search warrant, then signed it and handed it to Alex, "If you find me the drugs Ms Cabot, we'll talk about it. IF you start playing by the book."

The group turned to go, and suddenly, although she knew she'd done all she could, she couldn't help but feeling like someone who went out and kicked puppies for fun. She cleared her throat, stopping them in their tracks.

"Captain Cragen, please extend my sympathy and best wishes to Detective Benson."

The Captain looked at her grimly, "With respect Judge Morrow, I think she'd rather have had the arrest warrant."

Touché.

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Within the hour, they were back in a squad room with a procedurally sound and smooth arrest under their belts, but Don was still seething. Law and order was what it was all meant to be about yet one of their own could be damaged as Olivia had been and the law part wasn't prepared to step up and do the right thing.

Yeah, he got it. He knew it was all about playing by the book; that was how he'd made Captain in the first place, but having seen the crestfallen look on Olivia's face as they'd broken it to her that her name wasn't on Schieder's wrap sheet, he was well and truly pissed off.

Now he was going to make sure the bastard admitted to it if it was the last thing he did.

He glanced around the squad room at the team. Olivia was sat on Elliot's knee, her head resting on his shoulder. Fin sat at his desk, an ice pack on his hand soothing knuckles that had conveniently walked into Schieders face during the arrest. Alex was at Olivia's desk looking guilt ridden to such an extent that he felt genuinely bad for her, and Munch had stopped spouting Judge Morrow related conspiracy theories just long enough to let someone else get a word in edgeways.

Don glanced at the final person in the room, "So Huang, how do we make this bastard confess?"

Huang tore his eyes from Olivia - who he'd obviously been silently shrinking since his arrival - and looked at Cragen thoughtfully, "Well he has a problem with women."

"Show me the rapist that doesn't." Elliot spoke up, although Don noticed he cuddled Olivia more tightly as he did so.

Huang sighed, "Yes, but the fact that his MO involves drugging his victims makes the nature of his problem easier to establish. He believes he WILL be rejected, and doesn't want the victim to argue back. He's got no belief in his own ability to secure a mate, so drugs women in order to make himself more attractive to them." he paused, glancing again at Olivia, "Do you really want to be here for this?"

Don took looked over at his Detective, "You want to step outside Olivia?"

"No, I'm staying." If the strength in Olivia's voice surprised him a little, what followed next did so even more so, "So what you're saying, is that we need a woman in the interrogation room? To shake his confidence?"

Huang nodded, "Exactly."

"I'll do it." The offer came from Alex but before Don could comment, telling her that he thought it would be a compromise of her position too far, a second offer landed on the table.

"Let me."

"You have to be kidding." Olivia's partner responded before everyone else had even had to chance to take on board what she was suggesting, appealing to Don fast and furiously, "There's no way you can let her do this."

"He's right." Alex chipped in, "it's the most legally unsound thing I've ever heard, and considering the way the last 48 hours have panned out that's saying something."

He agreed with her 100% and was about to say so, when Olivia cut them all dead.

"Actually," she said slowly, "he's not under arrest for spiking my drink. In the paperwork the judge ACTUALLY signed off on, there's no mention of me." she got to her feet and moved over to Alex's side, picking up the copy warrants that lay on her desk and pulling out the one relating to charges pertaining to herself, "So if someone shreds this, we're home free."

As much as it alarmed him, Don couldn't help but think there was a certain amount of logic to what she was saying, and above that he liked the way she was thinking. Like a Detective. Not that that was going to calm Elliot's concerns.

"You're not up to this."

Olivia shrugged, "Maybe not. But Alex has kept my desk warm long enough. I'm going to get a confession from him on Donna Malone without saying a word." she glanced over at Munch, "Are you willing to run the interrogation if I sit there and taunt him with how pretty and unavailable I am?"

Munch looked over at Don, "Am I?"

Don thought it over, taking it from every angle, but the thing that he kept coming back to was that after two days of worrying the hell out of him, Olivia had fire in her eyes and in her stomach again, and that was no bad thing. That said,

"If we do this," he addressed his question to Alex, "and he later confesses to spiking Olivia's drink, will it screw us in court?"

Alex shrugged, "It could."

"But he'll go down for Donna Malone." Olivia argued, "And I'll have put him there." she looked at him pleadingly, desperately, "Please… let me do this… getting a confession out of him is all the justice I need."

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Elliot was furious. With Cragen. With Alex. Even with Olivia herself to an extent, although that was the one that he wasn't prepared to let show, not after the way she'd freaked out when he'd flipped at her for going alone. He just couldn't imagine anything more insane than her stepping into the lion's den of the interrogation room.

He wanted to stop her, desperately so. Particularly when she started piling on make up and rolling up her skirt to show off more leg. It didn't help that everyone else was letting her run around merrily doing what she wanted. Anyone would have thought that she was the Captain considering the orders she was giving out.

It was as she was telling Fin that she wanted him right in the path of the perp as he was walked into the interrogation room that he finally decided he needed to say something and so steered her away from the others into a quiet corner.

"Liv, I'm meant to be watching your back. You asked me to, so I'm doing it. This is me expressing my concern."

She smiled, but even as she did so he knew she wasn't backing down, "And this is me being a cop Elliot. Its what I do best. And I know why you're worried because of what's still inside me but really… this is going to be good for me. I can tell." She reached for his hand, squeezing it reassuringly, "Two nights ago, I lost control, you told me that. I lost control twice. This is me taking that control back so please don't try and stop me."

How could he argue with that? There was no way - Olivia knew it and so did he, and so he didn't, instead following Alex, Huang and Cragen to watch the interrogation through the one way glass that ran the entire length of one wall of the room.

Right from the word go, it was obvious the suspect was spooked. As they'd discussed Munch led the interview, his focus on the Malone case, but Schieder couldn't keep his eyes off of Olivia.

And he wasn't looking at her legs.

"He's recognised her." He mumbled to no one in particular, "He's recognised her from the club."

"Well he's not about to admit it." Alex said. "No perp would be that stupid."

"I don't know." Huang retorted, "Drug rape isn't exactly brain surgery, I'd put money on us dealing with a less than average intelligence here."

"All the same though." Alex replied, "He's not going to confess just like that."

Elliot was just trying to block out their bickering and concentrate on the scene unfolding in the interrogation room, when Fin reappeared, and instantly grasped what they were discussing, "He might not confess. But he's spooked. He was seriously spooked to see me, even more so than Olivia."

Elliot was just figuring that actually that was likely to have been the case all along, and thinking how bright it had been of his partner to call it like she had when Huang turned to Fin, a curious expression on his face, "You think he recognised you?"

Fin nodded, "Absolutely."

The psychologist's eyes lit up, "Is there any chance? Any chance at all, that he could have been in the alley with you? That he could have seen what happened between you and Olivia?"

There was a long awkward silence, and then Fin reluctantly responded, "You know what, I don't know… it was a very dark alley and my mind was kind of elsewhere if you know what I mean. I wasn't exactly on the look out for an audience."

As his words once again conjured up mental images that Elliot didn't need to see, he had to clench his fists to stop himself lashing out all over again. But even that was nothing compared to his fury at what the Huang had to say next…

"Fin's got to go in there." he said, his tone of voice making it clear to them all that there was very little room to manoeuvre, "Fin's got to go in there, take control, and talk him through exactly what he missed out on. If you want a confession, that's the way to do it."

.


	17. Confession

Fin felt physically sick at Huang's words. He knew what was being asked of him, and understood the reasons why, but that didn't mean he had to like it. And he didn't. Not by a long shot.

He wasn't the only one either.

"This is insane." Elliot spat, "You can't do this! You can't go in there and fuel this sicko's fantasies."

"You have to if you want a confession." Huang argued, as Fin began to imagine what it would be like to walk into the room and tell that sick puppy what he'd done as a result of his actions. What it would be like to admit to him what he'd done to Livvy.

It would be hell. And yet it made so much sense. He looked into the interrogation room where Munch was basically getting nowhere fast and realised with a sinking heart that he had to do it.

He glanced at Cragen, "Are you going to let me do this?"

The Captain threw his hands up in the air, in a gesture that smacked of 'how the hell should I know' and Fin wasn't surprised. How could their boss possibly judge anything on its own merit anymore? The attack, such as it was, on Livvy had changed everything.

And so, his answer came not from the Captain, but from an unexpected source.

"I think he should do it." Alex spoke up softly, "But only if you can do so without directly referencing Olivia. You do that, its entrapment."

At his side, Elliot exploded, "Its not entrapment! Its insanity!" he must have realised that somewhere along the way - without as much being said verbally - a decision had already been made because he turned to Cragen, "Fine." he conceded, "Do it! But you pull her out. You hear me? You pull Olivia out."

"It won't work." Huang said and Fin was sure he physically felt the tension in the room wrack up several notches, "Schieder needs to see Fin and Olivia together. They're going to be a emotional tag team in there."

Elliot snorted, "She's a terrified head fucked victim, not a member of the WWE."

Huang shook his head, "She's a woman who's been violated, but this is her way back Elliot. You're her partner, you're a cop, surely you can see that. So often testifying against a rapist is a victim's first step to recovery. Olivia's about to go one better."

As Elliot continued fuming, Fin gave Huang's words real thought, recalling the way Livvy had been so quick to put him in Schieder's path, and realising that actually she'd suspected, if not known what his reaction had been all along. Hell, she'd probably even seen this play coming a mile off. She was a smart cookie like that. Huang was right. Livvy wanted this. Needed this.

"She wouldn't want to be pulled out." he said, hesitantly, not wanting another punch in the mouth from Elliot and suspecting that his comments would be putting him in line for one. "Livvy would want this."

True to form, Elliot went absolutely ballistic, "Since when are you the expert on what 'Livvy' wants? You weren't a very good judge of that two nights ago when you raped her were you?"

He wanted to bite his tongue. He wanted to be patient. He knew what the Benson and Stabler dynamic was like and he wanted to be understanding of that, but Elliot's use of the word rape, after all they'd been through in the previous 48 hours was too much and he found himself turning on the other man angrily,

"I don't pretend I'm perfect. I ain't saying I've not made mistakes. I have. You know it, I know it and Livvy is paying the price of it. But don't pretend you're the expert on the lady, because truth is, you've not got the first clue."

"And that means what?"

Fin floundered at Elliot's question because he regretted what he'd said the minute it was out of his mouth. Olivia's feelings for Elliot, and what they'd led to had been a guarded secret all along at her request, and in bringing them out into the open he felt like he'd violated her all over again. "It doesn't matter." he mumbled, "Forget it."

"I won't forget it" Elliot snapped, "Tell me what you mean!"

The other man was like a particularly persistent dog with an especially juicy bone, and he had no clue how to handle it. In the end, he decided avoidance was the way forward. He looked over at Cragen,

"I'm going in. If she looks like she's struggling, you pull her. I don't care what it does to the interview. You don't let her suffer."

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"I just don't know what you want me to say." Schieder said to Munch, before looking over at Olivia, "Do you know what he wants me to say?"

Olivia looked at him, hating him, and in spite of her promises to the others that she'd be a silent partner in the interrogation she couldn't help answering back.

"He wants you to confess to the rape of Donna Malone. But," she added, "I don't think you're man enough. You don't look man enough and you sure as hell don't act it." she knew goading him was probably asking for trouble and she suspected that beyond the one way glass Alex would be calling her every name under the sun but she'd had enough of the prick and his pathetic weasel like answers. She sat back, waiting to see what his reaction would be but before he could speak they were interrupted by the door to the interrogation room flying open, and Fin striding into the room.

Well, this was an unexpected turn of events. She assumed there was method behind the madness but she wasn't sure what exactly that was.

She looked at Fin questioningly, "Did you knock?"

Fin's eyes narrowed dangerously, "Did I give you permission to speak bitch?"

His words, his tone of voice, the look in his eyes, chilled her to the core, quite aside from bringing back things she was trying so hard to forget. But Fin was so out of character, drastically so, that she forced herself to look beyond her fear to the bigger picture. This was a play.

She glanced at Munch who was looking as shell shocked as she was, but neither of them were given chance to comment before Fin continued.

"That's the problem with broads." He addressed his words at Schieder, "Never know when to keep it zipped. Is that why you drug 'em? To keep their prissy little mouths shut?"

"I didn't drug anyone." Schieder said sounding shaky. Olivia didn't blame him. Fin had clearly come in intent on being a force to be reckoned with.

"Well Donna Malone says you did." Munch said, having found his voice, before glancing over at Fin, "You taking over here partner? Want my seat?"

"I can stand." Fin replied, as he came up behind Olivia, so she could feel him looming behind her, stood over her using all his bulk to its best advantage to make her feel threatened.

It made her want to vomit. It made her want to run away screaming. She could feel her skin creeping and her body shaking but she tried her best to breathe through it. After all, Fin wasn't really threatening her, she knew that. It was all part of the game. The play.

It wasn't for her benefit. It was for Schieder.

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU ***

Munch was relieved when Fin didn't dismiss him from the room. Given the tactics he seemed to be employing it might have been the logical way to go; to have Olivia alone in the room with just him and the perp, but obviously he was making adjustments to his technique to allow their colleague some support.

He glanced at the perp, making sure that he wasn't watching, and finding that he was too busy eyeballing Fin to notice he reached down and took Olivia's hand in his.

She was too much of a pro to acknowledge what he'd done but the squeeze she gave his hand in the seconds that followed told him he'd done the right thing. And he became even more certain when Fin unleashed the next stage of his act.

"Never got drug rape myself." he said, "Yeah, you shut the bitches up, but you don't get the satisfaction of seeing them squirm." he gave the legs of Olivia's chair a kick, making her jump, and leaving Munch wondering just where his partner was summoning the 'very very bad cop' front from. Then again, given everything that had unfolded thanks to this particular perp it was hardly surprising that he was going to stop at nothing to nail him.

"Did you not miss the movement?" he asked Schieder, "Don't you think it would have been more fun if Donna Malone hadn't give it up so easy? If you'd had to restrain the little whore."

Munch felt Olivia stiffen at his side and he shot her a look of concern. With each move Fin made he became less and less sure that the girl was capable of handling it but yet when she met his eyes she shook her head, just slightly, warning him not to interrupt.

"I've never met Donna Malone." Schider said, breaking into his thoughts, "But you know what, if I had met her, I would have restrained her. Sounds like a trouble making little slut to me."

It wasn't a confession, but it felt like a jackpot moment to Munch. Proof that Fin's presence, and attitude was pushing Schider in the right direction. Pushing him to reveal his true colours.

"You drug chicks." Fin replied, laughing slightly, "You like the easy life. You wouldn't know how to cope with a broad kicking and screaming. You're too much of a pussy. You probably wouldn't even get hard if your partner wasn't half comatose."

Schieder's eyes narrowed, obviously not liking the way Fin was ridiculing him, "Are you saying you would?" he snapped defensively.

Fin nodded, "Oh you betcha. A little bit of this," in one swoop he leant forward and as Munch watched in horror, grabbed Olivia by the throat from behind, "there's not a feeling in the world like it!"

*** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU *** L&OSVU ***

"GET HER OUT OF THERE!" Elliot exploded, as he saw Fin's hands wrapping themselves around his partners throat. He'd seen enough. He'd had his doubts before Fin had even gone into the room, but his final stunt was the last straw. He rounded on Cragen angrily, "You get her out of there or I do it myself."

"Detective." Cragen bellowed, stopping him in his tracks, "Look."

He was in no mood to follow orders but Cragen's tone of voice made him realise he had no choice so looked into the interrogation room, dreading the sight that might greet him after what had unfolded seconds before.

The sight he did see however, was a long way from what he'd been expecting.

Schider was on his feet, laughing like a madman, "You think you're so hard. You think you put that whore in her place. But you couldn't have done it without me! So stop mocking me nigger, cos you're the one who raped the cop! I'm too clever to do something like that!"

A confession. An actual confession. Elliot couldn't believe it. Sure, he still didn't appreciate what it had taken to get them there, but kudos to Fin. He'd done it.

He looked at the perp, still ranting and raving, and then turned to Cragen, "Too clever to rape a cop, but not clever enough to realise that confessing to drugging her might be a bit dumb?"

"He's not confessed yet." Alex pointed out. "He's not categorically stated her drugged her."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much." Huang replied, "I'm sure the dream team are on it."

Elliot looked back into the room, and sure enough, Olivia was on her feet. She was pale, clearly still stunned by Fin's earlier actions but he could tell from the look in her eyes that she had something up her sleeve. She moved over to Schieder, looking at him curiously,

"What do you mean? As far as I recall Fin's the only one in this room who's screwed me. I don't recall you having the opportunity."

He took a sharp intake of breath, wondering if the perp would cop to it that easily, not believing for one second that anyone would be so stupid.

He was wrong.

"I gave him the opportunity." Schieder said, smirking at Olivia, "I spiked your drink and he got to bang you. What can I say? He's a lucky boy. I'm just sorry I missed out cos you looked like quite a lay. But I don't do cops. No offence…"

Elliot watched momentarily as his partner stumbled backwards, her face registering Schieder's confession, before she crumpled to the floor in a dead faint. Not that it mattered, she'd done what she had to.

She'd nailed the bastard.

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	18. Repercussions

**I am SO sorry for how long this has taken. CRAZY start to term, plus a horrible case of writers block, thankfully now cured, largely down to the intervention of my muse FTVW! After hating this chapter to begin with I'm now really rather happy with it but as ever I want to know what you all think, if you've not given up and run off in my absence!**

**Oh and FTVW - Huge thank yous for the kick up the bum! :D**

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For all Fin was glad that they'd got a confession, as he watched Livvy fall to the floor in the seconds that followed, he wasn't convinced that it had really been worth it. To put her through what he had, after what she'd already been through, it was insane.

He wanted to go to her, comfort her, help her back up to her feet, but Elliot was predictably through the door and at her side before he could get to her, and besides which as he watched her laying limply in her partner's arms, he realised there was something he needed to do more.

Hurl.

He left the room, the sound of Schieder demanding to speak to a lawyer echoing in his ears, and charged to the men's room.

He let the two mouthfuls of breakfast cereal he'd eaten that morning take their revenge and then just stood, looking at his own reflection in the mirror. He barely recognised himself any more. Couldn't even begin to work out what kind of man he was.

Suddenly, his reflection was joined by that of Munch, regarding him with concern. He turned and found his partner stood in the doorway, looking at him questioningly,

"You ok buddy?"

Fin just shrugged, "Ask me tomorrow." But he knew it wasn't that simple. He doubted that he'd be ok the next day, or the next week, maybe not even the next year.

Munch smiled back sympathetically, "You did what you had to in there. Olivia knows that."

Whether Livvy knew that or not though, wasn't really the point. Fin knew that much. He may have only put his hands to her throat to push Schieder over the edge on that occasion, but he hadn't had that excuse two days previously.

"Maybe Elliot was right."

"Elliot was right about what?"

He didn't even realise he'd spoken out loud until Munch asked the question but all the same, it was too late to take the comment back.

"He said I raped her."

"That was before we knew about the drugs." Munch replied, doing the loyal partner thing like always. But he was wrong.

"He said it today." Fin said, "While you were interrogating Schieder. He said I raped her and now I'm saying maybe he was right."

"I'd take anything Elliot says about Olivia with a liberal pinch of salt." Munch pointed out, "Listen to Olivia. She said you didn't rape her, and she'd know."

Fin shook his head, as in many ways Munch's response only compounded everything he was already thinking,

"Munch, she was off her face, how could she possibly know anything at all?"

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Don had thought he'd reached the point where there was nothing left his Detectives could do to surprise him. Then Tutuola's hands had gone around Benson's throat and he'd realised that actually, there was probably still plenty.

He sat, still reeling, at his desk, the ADA sat opposite him, and finally asked her the question that he knew he didn't want to hear the answer to.

"How much of that is going to be admissible in court?"

Alex shrugged and he could tell that she was as enthusiastic about answering it as he was about asking it.

"That bad?"

She sighed, "He's lawyer'd up, and if I were his defence attorney the first thing I'd do would be file a motion with a judge to suppress the confession." she shook her head, "What the hell was Fin thinking?"

"He got the confession." Don pointed out, but he understood her viewpoint all the same, "Is there any good news?"

She thought momentarily, clearly weighing up her options, "I could plead him out. I don't like it but it would spare Olivia the trauma of facing him in court."

Somehow, having seen Olivia in action during the interrogation, Don suspected that she'd appreciate having her day in court, but at the same time he knew that there would be far more to being on the witness stand than just facing her attacker. He'd seen so many rape victim's crucified on the stand, their private lives put on display for the jury to judge and between her family background and her actions while drugged he knew that any defence attorney would be doing their client a disservice if they didn't give her hell.

And he didn't know if she was strong enough to take that.

"If you plead him out. What are we looking at?"

Alex grimaced, "For Donna Malone, we take sexual assault instead of rape."

"He sodomised her, Alex."

"I know." Alex snapped, "I know. I've read the statement Don, but she didn't report it initially and we've got no forensics. All we've got is her story, and her ID. Its her word against his."

As much as he hated it, he had to admit she was right, although that just filled him with dread as to what that meant for Olivia. He looked at her questioningly, "And Olivia?"

"Drink spiking is a D level offence. Taking into account the sexual assault, that would be 8 to 10 years on paper. But if I push for accessory to rape, he might accept that."

Cragen did the math, thought it through. The two sentences weren't going to be punishment enough for what Schieder had done, but then given their personal interest in the case, he doubted anything would have done. There was however one part of what Alex had said that was worrying him.

"How can he be an accessory to rape if you're not trying a rapist?"

Once more, Alex shrugged, "I don't know, but I've got to make him think I do, because otherwise I've got nothing less to bargain with."

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Olivia came round to find herself sprawled out in the crib room, Elliot sat beside her, mopping her forehead with a damp flannel. For a minute she couldn't work out why she'd been out cold but within seconds it came back to her.

Schieder, the interrogation, Fin kicking her chair and grabbing her by the throat, Schider's confession and then…. darkness… the symptom of too much adrenalin flowing through her body all at once she supposed.

"How are you feeling?" Elliot asked gently, as he helped her to sit up. She just shrugged, unable to find the words, too overcome by everything that had happened to know where to start. He pulled her closer, holding her, rubbing her arm soothingly, "Tutuola should never have put you through that."

"I'm fine." she finally managed, not wanting Elliot to be angry with Fin. As hard as the experience had been, she understood the reasons behind Fin's actions and was glad that ultimately it had got them what they needed. "I knew it was a play."

"I saw the look on your face when he did it." Elliot retorted, "You didn't look like you knew it was a play. And don't try to claim it was an act, because if it was Liv, you'd be working on a Broadway stage not in the 1-6. You were terrified."

Olivia sighed, "Actually Elliot, I was flashing back if you really want to make an issue of it." Even talking about it brought the memories back. The nightmare that was the previous time Fin had held her by the throat, in the alley, as he screwed her, the same nightmare that had come back to her in the interrogation room. "And it wasn't nice," she admitted, "not by a long shot, but like I said, Fin had his reasons and I don't want you making this any harder on him than it already is."

She wondered if Elliot would argue, but to her surprise he didn't. However, when he did speak again she almost wished it had been to argue with her.

"Liv, before he went in there, Fin said something to me that didn't make sense. He said that I thought I was an expert on you but that actually, I didn't have the first clue. What did he mean by that?"

It was, Olivia thought, to her, fairly obvious what Fin had meant. What Fin had been implying. He'd been talking about the one thing she'd never wanted Elliot to know and she couldn't believe after everything they'd discussed that he'd done it. "Why did he say that?" she asked shakily, "What was the context?"

Elliot looked a little embarrassed, "He said you'd want him in on the interrogation with Schieder, and I asked him since when he had the first clue what you wanted considering the fact he raped you two nights ago."

Well that made sense Olivia thought. If Fin was going to betray her confidence it would figure it would be as part of an argument like the one her partner was describing, and actually she was angrier with him than she was with Fin. She turned on him furiously, "How could you say that to him?"

Elliot held his hands up submissively, "I know. I'm sorry. It was the heat of the moment and I was worried about you. But seriously Liv," he continued, obviously not giving up easily, "what did he mean?"

She was relieved when she was rescued from answering by a knock on the door. She turned her attention from Elliot gratefully and called out that whoever was knocking should come in.

"How are you doing?" The Captain asked as he stepped into the room. She couldn't help noticing how paternal he was acting towards her, more so than usual. She smiled at him, wanting to reassure him that she was doing ok,

"I'm not so bad." she said, she glanced beyond him, to the open doorway, "What's happening out there?"

"Alex is with Schieder. Munch is writing some notes up."

"And Fin?"

The Captain sighed, leaving her concerned as to what was coming next, which, as it happened, she was right to be worried about.

"He's gone Olivia. He just came to see me, he wants to take some leave. I just came to see if you wanted to do the same."

She shook her head, almost without thinking. Yesterday she hadn't known if she'd ever work special victims again, but today had changed all that. It was where she belonged, it was where she could do most good and she wasn't about to turn her back on that. Not for a second.

But in any event, it wasn't herself she was worried about.

"Why did he go? Why does he want leave? How long is he taking?" she glanced at her partner, remembering what he'd said to her just minutes before, "Is this because of what Elliot said to him?" she knew it was accusatory but she hated the thought that Fin might for one second thinking she agreed. Yeah, she thought he'd raped her once, but not now.

At her side she felt Elliot stiffen at her words, and then he added a question of his own, "Is it?"

The Captain shook his head, "I don't think so. I think its more about how he perceives himself. He'll be back. Just give him time."

She'd barely had time to get her head around the bombshell when Alex came flying into the room with a furious expression on her face.

"WHY ARE DEFENCE LAWYERS SUCH ASSES?"

"Because they're defence lawyers." Olivia quipped back, and then noting the surprised looks her response provoked around the room, realising the importance of the mood the ADA was in. She felt her smile fade, "They wouldn't deal?"

Alex shook her head, "No, not on what I was offering, and I'm not going to insult you by telling you what they were prepared to deal on. I'm sorry." she said, coming to Olivia's side, "We have to take this to trial."

It wasn't an appealing prospect to Olivia. She didn't relish the idea of standing up in court, but on what Alex was saying, she had no choice. Not if she wanted justice for Donna Malone, and for Fin, and for herself. She took a deep breath, "You think we can win?"

If Alex had doubts, she didn't let them show, "I'm going to put you on that stand, in full dress uniform, and we're going to blow the jury away with your outstanding record and your second to none arrest rates. By the time we're done, he won't have drugged just any woman, he won't just have drugged any cop, he'll have drugged NYPD's poster girl. He won't stand a chance."

It was a theory. It was a fine theory. And Olivia knew Alex could paint her as all the things she'd just claimed, but yet, once Alex was done, the defence would get their turn… and then…

"And when I stop being the poster girl?" she asked slowly, as she felt Elliot wrap his arms around her - he's obviously already figured out what came next, "When I'm the married to my job man hating bitch? When I'm the daughter of a drunk and the product of rape? Will we still stand a chance? Or will the whole thing just turn into a he said, she said trial?"

Alex was flailing, Olivia could see that, but it didn't matter, Elliot came to her rescue,

"It won't be that way. It'll never be a case of you against him, because you'll have the whole NPYD on your side, not to mention countless people you've helped. We'll find so many character witnesses that the jury will have to believe them."

"Will that work?" she asked Alex hesitantly.

"We won't know until we try." the ADA replied, "But I think your most important character witness is sat beside you right now."

Olivia glanced at Elliot, "You'll speak for me."

He rolled his eyes, "You really think I wouldn't? I know you Liv." he reached for her hand, "You're not a drunk, or man hater and you're certainly not a bitch. We can do this."

She swallowed hard, thinking once again of Schieder's other victim, and of Fin, who was out there somewhere tearing himself apart.

"Ok, lets do it."

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It was only later, when Elliot and Olivia were back at her apartment, that Elliot realised that with one interruption and then another she'd never actually explained what Fin's outburst had been about. Part of him felt that maybe, with everything else she had going on, he ought to let it drop. But, at the same time, he knew in his gut that it couldn't be left alone. It was important, and he needed to know.

"Liv?" he was sat on her couch, and she was laying with her head in his lap, staring numbly at the TV while he played with her hair. She looked up at him when he spoke, but didn't respond verbally instead just raising her eyebrows questioningly. "What did Fin mean?" he asked, watching with concern as her eyes filled with pain and she sat up, pulling away from him and moved to the other end of the couch. He sighed, "What did I say?"

She twisted her fringe in her fingers, staring down at them like he'd seen his daughters do when they were upset and then slowly she lifted her eyes to meet his.

"Don't make me do this."

Her words, the tears in her eyes, had two contradictory effects on him. Part of him wanted to tell her to forget it, not wanting to hurt her any more than she already had been, but at the same time, he couldn't let it go, not if it was something he was doing that was hurting her so badly. Eventually the latter won out.

"Why does Fin think I'm so clueless about you? What does he know about you that I don't? Does it have something to do with why he took you out the other night?"

At his final question she lost it completely as her tears started to flow, "YES!" she exploded, "Yes it has to do with why he took me out. It has to do with why I was miserable that night but don't keep asking me Elliot because really you don't want to know."

As she crumpled into a sobbing heap he ran her words through his brain over and over again. It was to do with HIM. He'd made her miserable. But he didn't know how. They'd not argued, not as he recalled. He'd not really had time to argue with her because he'd been too wrapped up in preparations for his and Kathy's anniversary. And that wouldn't bother her… unless…

The penny dropped.

Unless she was jealous.

That was it. The thing Fin knew that he didn't know. She'd been miserable because she'd been jealous and she could only be jealous for one reason…

"You have a thing for me?"

"Don't!" she looked at him pleading, really pleadingly, and he wondered if it was out of embarrassment but some how she was pleading with him too desperately for it just to be that. He ran back over their conversation mentally and then he realised exactly why she was so desperate to make the whole thing go away.

She was jealous because he was spending a romantic night with his wife. Fin had taken her out to cheer her up, she'd got drunk, then spiked and then…

Then Fin had hurt her.

He put his head in his hands, desperately trying to stop the bile from rising up his throat and calm down his heart which felt like it was trying to explode its way out of his chest. Once he'd got himself under control enough to be able to speak, he turned to look at her again.

"You were in that place because of me."

She shook her head, calmer herself now too, "Stop it." she murmured, "Please Elliot." she moved to his side, taking his hands in hers, "I'm so close to losing one man who means the world to me because his guilt over this is eating him up, I can't take it happening to a second. Please…" she gripped his hands tightly, "You're the only reason I haven't gone under. I need you. Be my friend, take care of me, help me move on. That'll do more for me than donning sack cloth and ashes over something that was completely out of your control."

There was sense in what she was saying, he knew that. Guilty as he felt and knew he'd continue to feel, the only thing that could really right the wrong was if he helped her survive the ordeal that he knew she still had to come. It he got her through the next few days, then weeks and months, and the court case that would follow. He pulled her closer to him, wrapped his arms around her,

"I can do that."

She smiled, "Thank you." She settled into his arms, obviously comfortable there, and in spite of recent revelations it didn't feel inappropriate. It felt just as it always had done. Comfortable. Right.

That said, he was still concerned, "Liv, this 'thing'?"

"My crush?"

He nodded, surprised that she'd chosen that particular word, which sounded more like one his daughters would use than a grown woman, "Is it going to be a problem?"

She shook her head, giving him a wry smile, "I doubt it El… putting aside the last few days, it hasn't been for the last six years has it?"

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	19. Verdict

**Well. One word. Finished. So here it is, The War At Home, the final part!**

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**People vs. Schieder **

**Trial Part 72**

Alex felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. The jury had been out for way too long and she didn't like the vibe that was giving her. Yes, it was complicated, very complicated, but she'd hoped like Hell she'd proved her case, that the jury would see it her way.

Never had a verdict meant so much.

She paced the corridor, feeling sick to her stomach. They needed a guilty verdict on this, not just for Olivia and Donna Malone, but for Fin, for Elliot, the whole unit really. They'd all been affected, one way, or another.

"You're going to wear a hole in that floor lady."

She turned to see Fin stood beside her. It was the first time they'd spoken since he'd been in the witness box. He'd been in court the whole time, but he'd always been at the back, seemingly wanting to be inconspicuous so she'd respected his wishes and left him to it. But now, it appeared, he'd found his voice.

She smiled at him, "How are you?"

He shrugged, "Just desperate for that verdict now." he managed a weak smile back at her, "You did good in there."

She appreciated the praise but didn't feel entirely deserving of it; others had been through more, done more. "If we win," she said gently, "it'll be you and Olivia who should take the credit. Your testimonies…" she felt a lump in her throat as she remembered their respective turns on the stand, "… they were something else."

Again he shrugged, "I just told the truth."

"You laid your emotions on the line. And you were given hell on cross." She was still inwardly seething at her defence equivalent who had done his best to discredit Fin, painting him as a sexual predator who couldn't manage his violent tendencies.

Fin snorted, "Well its not an experience I'm keen to repeat, but it was nothing compared to what Livvy went through."

That was, she thought, true too. Schieder's lawyer had gone for the jugular with Olivia, and as they'd expected dragged her parentage into the equation. In many ways though, she was glad they had since to her eye at least it had been a mistake, one that hopefully would gain Olivia sympathy from the jury.

"She's not been in court much." Fin added, "Was she not coping?"

Alex could hear the concern in his voice, and wanted to reassure him, "She could have stayed in court, but I wanted her out on the street, doing her job. I thought it would be better for her. Better for the case too."

Before Fin could respond an official appeared, announcing that court would be back in session in 15 minutes, and Alex started to feel sick all over again. She took her phone from her pocket and started typing a text message.

"Livvy?" Fin asked quietly.

Alex nodded, "Yeah, I think she'll want to be here for this."

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"Alex?" Elliot asked, seeing the pensive look on his partner's face as she read her text message. She nodded slowly, and it didn't take Einstein to work out what exactly had been said. "The jury are back?"

"15 minutes."

He reached out for her hand and squeezed it tightly, "You go, I can handle things here. Unless you want me to come."

She shook her head, and he presumed that she was telling him she was fine to go alone. Then she spoke again, "I don't want to go." she gestured towards the door of the soft interview suite, "I have a statement to take."

He looked at her, trying to decide if he needed to be concerned about her or not. She'd thrown herself into her work in the months since the rape, so that was nothing new, but the verdict on the case was a big deal. He felt she needed to be there. "The vic can wait." he said gently.

"No. She can't." she moved towards the door, pausing when her hand touched the handle, "El, will you go? Someone should be with Donna."

"Sure." There was no point arguing with her, not while she was so obviously in cop mode. "I'll call you as soon as I know anything."

Again she shook her head, "No. Don't. Just tell me when you get back. I'll be with Katie anyway."

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She was glad that he didn't argue any further. It wasn't that the verdict didn't matter to her, it did. But time had passed and other things now mattered more, like doing her job.

She stepped into the soft interview room where Katie, a known vice girl with a string of convictions, was sat, huddled on the sofa. Rocking. A position, a stance, that Olivia knew all too well.

She moved to sit beside her, realising that the girl was shaking. She slipped off her jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. It didn't matter that the shaking wasn't from cold, she instinctively knew the jacket would help.

The girl looked at her through one black eye and one normal one. She had a split lip that had been sewn up at the hospital earlier that day and tears streaking her cheeks.

"I can't do this."

Olivia knew how that felt. There had been so many times she'd felt it in recent months; right back at the beginning and then with every new challenge she faced; her first victim after what had happened, her first interrogation of a perp, and then going to court. On one hand it made her want to let the girl off the hook, but the cop in her, that cop that she'd clung on to so vociferously, the cop she was so determined still to be couldn't do it.

"You can. Come on Katie." she said firmly, "You've already told me. This is just a formality."

Katie looked at her pleadingly, "If I've already told you, why have I gotta tell ya again."

"Because I need to take a formal statement because that's how this works."

With her pleading failing the girls eye's narrowed, "Lady, you're a hard assed bitch."

She supposed she could have taken it personally, but actually, she didn't. It was the best compliment anyone could have paid her.

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Fin was surprised when he saw Elliot enter the courthouse without Olivia. He'd assumed that like him, she'd be keen to see justice served. If it was going to be that was. He watched as the other man spoke briefly to Alex, then moved over to the rape victim, Donna, and gently guided her towards the door of the court room.

He headed back over to Alex, "Is Livvy not coming?" he asked her. She shook her head,

"She caught a case. She's with a vic." she explained, before adding, "She's moved on Fin."

The message was pretty clear. Olivia moved on and he should be doing the same. He'd thought as much himself, particularly in the last few days. It was crunch time, he either needed to get reassigned or get back to the 1-6. He wasn't sure which way it was going to go yet, but a decision needed to be made.

That said he had to get today over first. He turned his attention back to Alex,

"Are we going in?"

She nodded, looking a little queasy, "Lets get this over with."

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Munch watched as Olivia said her goodbyes to Katie Walsh, feeling, in some strange way, almost paternal. It was an odd feeling; he was fond of the female detective of course, always had been, but he'd never really felt fatherly over anyone before so it was a whole new ball game.

She must have sensed him watching her because when she was done she came and leant against the edge of his desk. "What were you looking at?"

His reply came fast, blurted out before he could stop it, "The bravest woman I've ever had the privilege to work with."

She blushed, and he knew he was doing similar, "Oh shut up John."

He shrugged, "You could have walked away. But you didn't. You kept going, and you're a better detective because of it… not that I thought that was possible."

She smiled slightly, "Do you know why I kept going?"

He thought the answer was an easy one, a forgone conclusion, "For all the Katie's you've still got to help."

She shook her head, flicking a piece of invisible fluff from her trousers, "No. For Fin. I thought if I was ok, he'd be ok. And he'd come back." She was near to tears, and actually, he knew how she felt. He missed his partner as much as she apparently did. All the same though, reassuring her was the priority,

"He just needs time."

"That's what I thought." she said softly, "But when I was in court, I saw him. The haunted look in his eyes. It broke my heart."

Suddenly something that hadn't made much sense made sense to Munch, as her words made the pieces fall into place, "You've not been in court because it hurts to see him. You've not gone to hear the verdict because you can't bear the thought of what a not guilty one will do to him."

Olivia nodded, "Exactly. He's more of a victim in this than I am."

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Fin couldn't remember the last time he'd cried. It just wasn't the manly thing to do, but at that moment there was nothing else he could do. He stood in the men's john in the courthouse, rested his head against the cool tiles and sobbed.

And sobbed.

Suddenly he sensed a presence in the room and looked round to find Elliot stood there. He wiped his eyes, embarrassed to have been caught caterwauling like a baby, especially by Elliot. He opened his mouth to excuse himself but Elliot cut him off,

"Forget it. If I were you I'd be doing the same."

Fin smiled weakly, "Thanks."

There were trapped there, momentarily in an awkward silence, and then once again Elliot came to the rescue.

"I have to get back to the precinct. You should come. She'd want to see you."

There was no question who 'she' was, but Fin was surprised Elliot was suggesting it. He'd have thought he was the last person he'd want near his partner. He tried to make his excuses but Elliot was having none of it.

"Fin. You didn't rape her. I said you did, I had no right to, I was wrong. Please, come and see her."

For all Fin appreciated the sentiment, in spite of being thrown by it given that Elliot had hardly been his biggest fan in the past, he still wasn't sure about actually going and seeing Olivia face to face. In fact he wasn't unconvinced that the best thing for her might be if he just disappeared all together. Apparently though Elliot wasn't about to let that happen.

"The argument we had, outside the incident room. I blamed you for what happened, and you blamed me. And you were right to, I know that now. But Liv doesn't want me eating myself up over it and so hard as that is I don't. I don't blame myself because it would hurt her if I did. Like it hurts her that you blame yourself. So get over it Fin. Come back."

He looked at Elliot curiously, "She told you why we were in the bar?"

The other man nodded, "And its shit and it haunts me everyday. But Liv comes first for me and she ought to for you too. Now I'm not going to say it again. You're coming with me, no more arguments."

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Olivia was in the Captain's office taking him through the details of Katie's statement when she heard the noise coming from the squad room door. She looked up and saw Elliot, and Alex… and…

"Fin."

It came out in such a way that she sounded like a strangled cat and she saw the look of concern that appeared on the Captain's face as a result but the truth was she was fine with Fin's reappearance in the squad room. It felt right. It was where he was meant to be.

She got to her feet and walked towards him, feeling apprehensive as she knew she had a big question to ask him. She took a deep breath, "The verdict?"

He smiled, "Guilty on you, guilty on Donna Malone. 10 years a piece."

She felt giddy at his words, as it suddenly hit her that she'd been kidding herself when she thought it didn't matter to her. It did matter, a whole lot. The fact the news felt so good told her that.

She glanced at Alex, "That's concurrently right?"

The ADA shook her head, beaming from ear to ear, "Nope, that's consecutively. He's got a bed in Rikers for the next 20 years."

She felt a flood of emotion and before she knew what she was doing she'd stumbled into Fin, leaving him with no choice but to catch her and wrap her in his arms. It was the first physical contact they'd had since his hands had been at her throat in the interrogation room and yet, it didn't feel wrong or uncomfortable in the slightest. She leant into his arms and cried until there were no tears left inside her.

When she was eventually done she looked up at Fin, hesitantly, yet hopefully, "Are you back? For good?"

He nodded, "You know what baby girl, I am."

"Well that calls for champagne," the Captain said from behind them, "for you guys anyway. Come on Detectives, lets call it a day. We need to celebrate."

Olivia wrapped her arm around Fin's waist, "Captain, I'm all for calling it a day, but no champagne. Lets just go for a beer. Or six. I don't want a party." she explained, "I just want things to be back to normal. That would be the best celebration I could ask for."

Cragen nodded, obviously understanding where she was coming from. He looked around the group and smiled.

"Sounds good to me. Back to normal it is…"

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**Oh. My. God. I can't believe this is done. I'm literally going to have to cry for a week now cos I hate finishing fics I love! Anyhoos I hope you enjoyed it - thanks for reading and feed backing! ****J**


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